Life after Red John
by Sweetylove30
Summary: Red John is dead and Jane is gone. How is life for the team and Lisbon? Will Jane ever come back? I'm bad at summary, but give it a try. Thanks to my beta: phnxgrl.
1. Chapter 0: Prologue

**A/N: Hi everyone, I'm back with a new story. I tried something new with that one. Each chapter is from a different Point of View, sometime it's Lisbon, sometime Jane, or Cho… That was a first for me and the french people liked it. I hope you will too.**

Title: _Life after Red John_

Rating: _K_

Genre:_ Hurt/Comfort, Romance  
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Characters: _everybody but mostly Jane and Lisbon_

Summary: _Red John is dead and Jane is gone. How is life for the team and Lisbon? Will Jane ever coming back?_

**I know, I'm bad at summary, but give it a try, please.**

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**PROLOGUE**

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Teresa Lisbon a CBI agent was used to suffer. Ever since her mother's death during her childhood she had to suffer her Father's wrath. He never did console himself for the loss of his wife. Teresa had never blamed him for this treatment. She knew the same pain. She took it upon herself to suffer in silence. Even after her Father's death she continued to suffer. Life had never been kind to her. She still suffered even as an adult.

It had been almost a year since her consultant Patrick Jane had left without indicating whether he would return one day. Once Red John, the man who had killed his family had died. He had decided he did not need the CBI and had fled. He had left behind people without thinking of how they would react or what they would feel. She could not really blame him. There was nothing left here at least that is what she thought. He had not realized that someone had stood next to him for years. This person was a woman who would do anything to make him happy. She had a name Teresa Lisbon.

She had spent almost ten years taking care of him. She had watched over him as the most precious thing and he had seen nothing. He had left being blinded by his anger and desire for revenge. He never cared about anything except when it came to Red John. She had been silent all this time only content to stay close to him. His guardian angel that's what she was. More importantly she was a pawn. For Patrick Jane she imagined she had been nothing but a pawn that he moved at will on his chessboard. Always following her nature Lisbon had not said anything. She just wanted to stay by his side. She had delighted in seeing him everyday. As the years passed her attachment to him had grown as well as her anger. She had had enough of being nothing more than a mere colleague.

Now it was all over he was gone and would not return. Red John was dead. There was nothing more was holding Jane to the CBI not even her. Lisbon was consigned to suffer again in silent. Her heart was in pain. She tried holding back the tears. Her pride would not allow her show what she really felt for this man. Afterward when he was gone and she was alone in her privacy she let them out. She had cried for hours in the privacy of her empty apartment. What else could she do? He did not want to stay. It was his life he could what he wanted.

Deep down she knew she could have done something to change his mind. She could have given him a reason to open his eyes. She was there and she needed him. But no, stupid Teresa chose silence again and again. She had wanted to respect his choice that was what she did. He had wanted a change to his life so that was what he did. She was alone and would remain so forever. She was sad but still deeply loved him. There would be no room for another man. She knew she was able to resume her life that was a fact. She was confronted with another when she tried to forget about him. Even thought she desperately wanted to do so she was unable. Patrick Jane had marked her for life.

Jane was gone for almost a year now. She still had not lost the habit of looking his couch in the vain hope of seeing him. Time after time that hope was left unfulfilled. Luckily, she had much work to occupy her time so thoughts of Patrick were getting fewer and fewer each day. Crimes did not stop just because she was not over him. Her colleagues also were supportive. They were always there for her. They knew when she needed company the most. Sometimes she went out with them but it was not often. She preferred to stay home alone. She knew it was not healthy but she did it anyway.

She was often late at night while working on the paperwork. She had noticed since Patrick had left it was reduce measurably. The complaints reports to answer have decreased. She still she remained later even though it was not necessary. It was an old habit that was hard to lose. Another change was her new habit of preparing tea. It was drink she did not like at all but that was all that reminded her of the former consultant.

Coffee was used only in the morning to wake up. The rest of the day was only tea. It was surprising how she acquired this habit. She had found a box in her pantry one day after he had left. She was startled at first then she remembered that Patrick had stayed there. She did not want to throw it away. She started to make this drink regularly. Van Pelt had noticed this habit. Lisbon knew that it pained the redhead to see her in this state but she was powerless to stop it.

Life had become so drab. He was no longer there with his jokes, his smiles or his so beautiful blue eyes she still saw in her dream. Sometimes she occasionally slept at the CBI in her office. Most often she would find herself in the Attic curled in sheets which still held his smell. During these bouts those thought would squeeze her heart. But she had to be careful she did not want her boss to realize what she was doing. She was a senior officer she could not afford to get caught sleeping in the attic.

**- oooo -**

Rigsby and Van Pelt had tried repeatedly to get Lisbon out of her solitude. They attempted to make her understand that the world continued to turn. But it was for naught. Cho understanding Lisbon completely did nothing. He knew that whatever he may say or what he can do. He would not change anything. She had a broken heart and only Jane could revive it. His act of doing nothing was actually a comfort to her. He would only make sure she continues to her job well. Sometimes he would take the lead in the investigation when he saw that she was in a really bad state. Lisbon was more than his boss. She was also a dear friend that he could not let lose her job just because of her broken heart.

What Lisbon did not know was that her colleague behind the legendary silence had begun a search for the Mentalist. He had not told anyone especially his two colleagues although their help would speed the search. He would not open Lisbon to further embarrassment. He wanted Jane to come back to her. He knew that without Jane in any facet in her life she would never get better.

He was strong enough to put temporarily aside his anger against Jane. But he would not let him get away with it for long especially not after what he did to her. He had already left once before it was during that absence Lisbon had suffered a lot without saying anything to anyone. However, he knew that she suffered and that turned him cold to the Mentalist.

Today, agent Cho had finally tracked down his former colleague. It had not been easy and for good reason. The former medium who had left his itinerant life as a teenager had resumed life on the road. He was in the company of those who had been kind of his family growing up. He had resumed living with them. It looked to Cho he had forgotten the people with whom he had spent so many years. Oh sure he didn't resume the same trade as a youth. Now he was more as a manager. He would remain behind helping to prepare all the shows. These were all simple things.

Patrick had driven from his memory anything that represented the four CBI agents with whom he had worked for so long. Thanks to Danny, Jane's brother in law, Cho had traced him. Danny had resumed contact with his friends after running for several years. He was very surprised to learn the 'Boy Wonder's return to the fold. Danny was curious after such a long departure why did Patrick return. Cho was able to give some clues when he contacted him.

Danny was not a bad guy. He had made some mistakes in his life. He wanted to make amends. He saw a way to get started on this path. He had made contact with agent Cho when he learned from a reliable source that Cho was actively seeking Jane. He would have preferred Lisbon to be the contact. She had helped him once. Once he had talked to others he had also learned of her current state. He was sad to learn what his Brother in Law's departure had done to her. Danny could not give any assurances he was glad it was Cho to whom he talked and not Lisbon.

He did not want to give her false hope. He was not certain that Patrick would return even after learning to how sad of condition Lisbon was. Danny was struggling to understand why he had left behind him such a woman. Why he had not take advantage of his new freedom to start a new life with her? It was a puzzle indeed. Patrick was so fortunate to have a wonderful woman who cared so much about him so why did he run away?

For Danny the path Patrick had mistakenly chosen could not continue. He needed someone to guide him. Therefore he simply thought of Cho to be that agent. He knew that Cho's words would be able to change Patrick's mind. Cho was like that and Jane needed him. It was how Cho had found him. Cho wanted to tell Lisbon the good news and to see her smile again. But if ever Jane failed to return then it would be like another blow. He would not place that on her. She had already suffered too much for her unrequited love.

**- oooo -**

On a hot July morning Agent Lisbon was sitting behind her desk. She was printing off some pages while sipping her second cup of tea. The day was calm and it was so hot. It seemed to her that the criminals had also decided to take a break. She would not complain quite the contrary she was tired and welcomed the break.

She did not know how she even managed to get up this morning. Or even how she could still come to work? The man who had broken her heart was living his life far away from her. She had learned quite by chance that Cho had been searching for Jane and he had succeeded. She felt her heart leap in her chest that day. It was as if a part of her was coming back to life at this simple information. But later she was crushed that Patrick never spoke of her. It was as if he had forgotten his friends.

How could he not remember her and all those years spent working together? But finally, perhaps he had succeeded where she had failed. He had managed to rebuild his life then go on without her. All she had managed to do so far was to come to work, make sure to stay alive at the end of each day then go to an empty home. She didn't really live but only manage to survive. Lack of sleep, lack of food and over worry it did not help at all.

When the team would be there to watch over her there were no worries. She did not want to impose on them forever. She had to be able take care of herself. She would prefer not have to rely on anyone. If Patrick had managed to rebuild his life so she thought. She could do it too. He was not the first man to have broken her heart. She resolved that he would not be the last.

With this new resolution in mind Lisbon delved into her work. She completed reports and removed the battery case which filled her office for far too long. She had decided to become the woman she was before Jane came into her life. She would become strong and independent again. She was a proud woman coming from a long line of like women in her family. She did not want to disappoint them. She would work hard and show the world that a man like Patrick Jane could not destroy Teresa Lisbon.

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**TBC ...**

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**A/N2: So, did you like this first chapter? Don't hesitate to tell me if you didn't.**

**I am so happy today, I met Simon Baker and he is so… Beautiful, so Sexy in real. Just wanted to tell you.**

**Next chapter as soon as I can.**


	2. Chapter 1: Lisbon's POV

**A/N: hey there. I'm sorry if it took me so long to update. I was supposed to go back home today but because of the bad weather, I am still in Paris. I hate Paris. I had miss my flight, but I have another one tomorrow morning. I wanted to thanks everyone who reviewed the previous chapter as well as those you follow this story. You can review as well, it would make me happy. I like to know what you think of my work.**

**Hope you'll like this new chapter.**

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**Chapter 1: Lisbon POV**

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He was fine. Jane was well and I was happy. I spent months suffering because of him. I was left crying alone in my apartment. I swore that I would not ever let anyone hurt me so bad again. I made this oath when I was a teenager. My father beat my brothers and me. But ultimately, I had let Jane do it. I don't know how I let myself be seduced by this man. However, he was not the type of man who generally attracts me. There was something about him. When I saw him I could not help but imagine ourselves in each other arms comforting each other. How I, the great Teresa Lisbon, was not able to prevent this man become so important in my life and heart. I had installed walls. They were impassable walls. He not only managed to make a passage to enter then he made his place there. Patrick Jane was the only man that my heart had accepted.

I was worried about him for almost a year. Now I knew he was okay. I knew I should not still needlessly worry about him though I did. I still didn't know where he was? I knew he was not alone that people were watching over him and his well being. I would have loved to be that person who would ensure that he didn't do anything stupid or didn't bother the wrong people. But even if it was not me, the simple fact that he was not alone was well enough for me. I could finally think of me, maybe meet someone and make my life. If Jane had managed to do it after all these years, there was no reason why I could not do the same. I just needed to find the courage that is what I am missing I mused.

I had never been a weak woman. I always had the strength and courage to do what I really wanted. I had to admit that since I met Jane I had changed and not necessarily in a good way. This is especially after my last conversation with him that the change appeared. I had become weaker. I still remember that night when I went to see him at his motel. It was color of his eyes I noticed first when he opened the door. He had looked as he wanted to kill me on the spot and I could not blame him. I did something that I just thought was good at that moment but in his eyes it was the worst betrayal. I just wanted to protect him I didn't want to see him ruin his life. Now I was alone. He was somewhere living happily without me.

But ultimately the fact he was happy was the most important, right? Whether it was with me or not, I was happy for him. What I could not understand was why had he returned to the life he had fled years earlier? It was certainly his choice not mine. I was still thionine about him, a lump in the throat and heart in pieces. I had gotten what I deserved. I could only blame myself.

I sat on my bed with my legs against my chest and put my head on my knees. I sank a little deeper into depression. I just had to get out. Now I knew he was okay. I had to forget him as he had forgotten me. In my heart I still hoped that he have not really forgotten me. That he continued to think of me and our ... I shook my head to chase away these thoughts. It was not the right time I absolutely had to forget.

I finally decided to leave my bed to go to the bathroom. I had to prepare myself. There was no question that I would be late for work. I was not really alone I had my colleagues who were taking care of me. It was something that I had never liked. I always made sure, all of my life, to keep my emotions to myself. So, that nobody could know when I was not well. I had managed very well throughout my teenage years. No one had seen how I suffered. How my father behaved badly towards me and my brothers. So, why now I can no longer do it? Why I could not manage to hide my emotions?

Entering the room I left the door open. Anyway, who could see me? I pulled off the long T-shirt that I always wore to sleep over my head threw it on the chair next to the sink then removed my pants. I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I was surprised to discover a body that I hardly recognized. I had lost weight, I could almost see my ribs and it frightened me. How did I get here? I still didn't understand how I could let my body and mind deteriorate for this man. It was not me. I had to react quickly. I pulled my underwear before running off into the shower where the hot water ran slowly over my thin body.

Immediately, the heat of the water reminded me of the warmth of his hands that had touched my body. The soft hands that had awakened in me feelings that I thought lost forever. I closed my eyes and images flowed under my closed eyelids. I could once again feel his hot breath against my skin and against my lips. I could still feel his body move with my own inside me. I closed my eyes harder as if that would drive these images away. I could not forget them nor could I drive them out of my memory. If I was honest with myself I didn't really want them gone. These memories were the best I had in me. I wanted to keep and cherish them forever even if I had to suffer to hold on to them.

Several minutes had passed and in that time, I had slipped and sat on the shower floor with my back against the glass wall. The tears were streaming from my eyes. Even after all these months recalling that night still hurt me. I never full recall it. Those few magical hours were well entrenched in my heart and my mind. I sat still finding the exact position I had in my bed a few minutes earlier. I stayed until the cold water made me shiver. At this point I decided to just get up. I was not even washed. I was too caught up in my thoughts. I washed myself quickly in the sink. I would shower better tonight I promised myself.

I came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. I headed straight to my big closet to find what I would wear today. The selection was not great. There were black jackets, black trousers, white shirts and some a little more colorful. I was still in search of clothes when I spied on this shirt. This was not just any shirt, it was _his_ shirt. I claimed it the morning of his departure as I cried alone in bed. He had left nothing, not even a word to tell me where he was going and when he would come back. I found this shirt while I made the bed. It was hidden under the sheet. It didn't have his scent anymore only mine. All these months it was spent locked in the closet or on me sometimes when I wore it to sleep.

I touched the soft and silky fabric. He had always had good taste in clothes. I still remember the time I had tease him on his choice of clothes. The famous three-piece suits fit him so well. I never told him but I liked the view. I found it appealing. I wondered if he was still wearing these suits. Certainly not, he had to wear more comfortable clothes for the new life he had chosen. But whatever it was, he would still in my eyes be an attractive and certainly charming man.

I pushed the shirt aside and opted for a simple outfit. Black pants, white shirt and a black jacket over it. This was the classic outfit. I was not in the mood to wear any of my colored blouses. I dressed in a hurry before heading back to the bathroom to brush my hair. Lately I always wore my hair in a bun put together. Now I let it down my back. It had grown longer during the year. Although, it was not always practical in my work, I loved it so. Maybe I should cut it to change completely. If I wanted to change my life, why not change my appearance by cutting my hair?

But then I heard in my head the voice of Jane. I heard him tell me that he loved my hair long. It suited me to have it longer. I had blushes when he had said it to me. I did it every time he gave me a compliment. I brushed my hair several times. I inspected myself one last time satisfied with the result and left the room. I moved to the kitchen to make a coffee single of the day. Since he was gone I changed many things in my life. Now I drank mostly tea. I never particularly liked tea not that I hated it. I drink it more and I must admit that I like it.

I boiled the water and prepared the tea in the same way I had always done for Jane. I had changed my mind I chose the tea over coffee. It was a habit now and I sat at the kitchen counter to drink it. Looking at my watch I realized it was getting late. I quickly finished my tea then left the cup in the sink before taking my bag, my keys and left my apartment.

**- oooo -**

I arrived a few minutes later, parked and exited my car. I entered the building, greeted the guard and got into the elevator. When I entered the open space, I realized it was empty but there was nothing new it was still early. I had this habit of years of entering the place early. I also had needed more hours because of reports of complaints against Jane. I had no more complaints but I continued to come early. I did it to avoid all of these looks that made me sick. My team also looked at me that way which proved that I didn't quite hide all my emotions. I had to admit since Jane was gone and I was not doing well. They made sure that everything continued in order. Cho had taken it upon himself to deal with the investigations when I did not. Fortunately, he was there to take care of everything. I didn't know what I would have done without him.

As I passed Jane's sofa I dragged my fingers on the worn leather letting the memories flow. Jane drinking his tea with his legs crossed. Jane pretending to sleep when there were cases to solve. I remember at the time I used to yell at him, to ask him to move a little and help us. If he were here right now, I think I would not do as much. I wish he was with us again, just by staying on the sofa he so loved. After he left I didn't have the heart to separate myself from the sofa. It reminded me too many memories good or bad. And no one had thought to remove it either.

I headed to my office where I deposited my belongings before going to the kitchen to make my tea. I just returned to my office when I saw Cho coming in. For a year, he created the habit to arrive just after me. It was ascertain that I was there and especially that I was fine. He was very protective of me. I still don't want him to be my keeper. He was more than a colleague. He was a friend and since Jane was not there, he somehow took his place. He could never replace Jane in my heart though. I could never love him more than a friend. So I greeted him politely before going to lock myself in my office. I still had a bit of paperwork.

Rigsby and Van Pelt arrived shortly after him then came to greet me before settling at their respective desks. I really did not know what they had left to do. Maybe they had paperwork like me. And as time passed, quietly, each busy at their desk, I receive a phone call. This call would change my life again. But I don't know at this point. I took the information and I got up to tell my colleagues. They immédiate looked up.

- "We have a case," I told them. "A man was found dead near the east end of Sacramento. Van Pelt, you stay here and wait for our call to begin research on the victim, everything about him, his family, his friends and his habits as usual."

- "On it boss" she nodded.

I knew I had a tendency to leave her behind, but she was the best with computer. Rigsby was not bad but Grace was much better.

- "Rigsby and Cho, you come with me" I said seeing my two colleagues take their jackets to follow me.

Cho drove the car as he does I sat on the passenger side. In the rear, Rigsby read the information that I obtained by phone. The ride was silent and we soon arrived on the spot. Once the car is parked, I went and joined the local agent who gave me a topographical situation.

- "The victim is a white male, about forty year old and blond. He has been found by a walker." the agent said.

- "Where is the witness?" I asked and he pointed a guy not far away. "Cho, you take care of him."

Rigsby followed me to the victim. Approaching the victim I saw the blond man with mixed with blood. I had immediately thought of Jane. Rigsby must have felt it too as he put a hand on my shoulder and smiled. I smiled back. When we got close to the victim, I leaned over to get a better look. It was not Jane and I blamed myself to have imagined that it would be him. As I examined him I noticed he had received a blow behind the head. That was probably the cause of death. I noticed he was wearing very colorful clothes as if out of a circus. I got up and moved away a little. Looking around, I saw a little further a tent, caravans and the smell of animals came to my nostrils.

Rigsby approached me acting a bit uncomfortable. I questioned him with my eyes. He gazed towards a group of people standing a little further. The agent came to tell me that it was the family of the victim in some way. The man was indeed part of a circus. As I approached the 'family' a man with blonde curls had caught my attention. This discovery made my heart beat in a very abnormal way. He was there I knew it was him. He was so close to me and yet so far at the same time. He had to have see me too because he broke away from the crowd then approached me.

- "Hi Lisbon" he said calmly.

The words were lost on my lips I could not answer him. He stood before me with his hands in pockets and head down. I felt it was the least he could do is act contrite. He had a lot to answer. I wanted to yell at him to let him know how much I suffered for his departure. But instead of that I turned on my heel and headed toward the car.

- "Lisbon" He shouted behind me.

But I would not listen. I wanted to cry and to give free rein to my tears. But I could not, not now, not here. I would have to delay when I would be at home alone. For the moment a man was dead. I had to seriously be concerned with finding the murderer. I was just hoping that Jane had nothing to do with it. I do not know if I was ready to work with him again. I was terrified. Technically, we were not working together. He was just a relative of the victim, nothing more.

I waited at the car until the others finished. We returned to the CBI. As the car pulled away, I saw him watching us. He attempted a weak smile when our eyes met before turning on his heels and joining his friends. The ride back was also as quiet as when we came but mood was much heavier. Seeing Jane had done me good, even if I would never admit it. I threw a glance at my colleagues and I could see that for them it was difficult. They had seen an old friend today and it was not in the best of circumstances. I do not really know what they thought. Though, I knew that they were as shaken by it as I was.

We arrived at the CBI. Van Pelt told us what she had found on the victim. He was a simple man. He left his family when he was just old enough to join the circus in which was Jane's story too. Jane had know the victim for a long time. The mere mention of his name I felt my heart sink. Grace told us that the victim had gambling debts. She had found the name of his unhappy partner. She gave us the address I sent Cho and Rigsby to question him.

Finally, later in the day the case was resolved. Not being able to pay his debts, Edward Meyer, our victim was killed. It was a long time since we had a case so easy to solve and it made us feel good. So we could go home early and for once I did not stay too long. I needed to be alone after this day's events.

**- oooo -**

I came out of my shower more relaxed. I wore my towel around me and was going through my closet looking for something to wear for the night. I glanced at Jane's shirt. I looked at it for a few moments before taking it then putting it on. I wrapped myself in it and burrow my nose in the sleeves too long in search of his scent. It no longer did. I had know it was useless but I needed it. I went down in the kitchen to make my tea. As I sat on the couch I heard knocked at the door.

I got up, walked slowly and wondered who could come to bother me so late. I never saw anyone outside of work. Maybe it was a neighbor who came to ask me something. I was surprised when I saw Jane when I opened the door. He was wearing blue jeans and a T-shirt. He was much more attractive than I remember, his skin was tanned and his hair was a little longer. I took the time to observe him before he cleared his throat bringing me back to reality.

- "Can I come in?" He asked uncomfortably.

I move aside to let him pass up the door then closed it behind us. He stood in the doorway. I walked into the living room then turned around to face him.

- "What do you want?" I asked him with my voice hard rain.

- "I would like to explain my departure." He said with his blue eyes dull and lifeless.

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**TBC ...**

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**A/N2: don't hesitate to review, it could help me to know if I made any made any mistakes. And I wanted to thank** _phnxgrl_ **for your help. You'r a star.**

**I try to update faster the next chapter.**


	3. Chapter 2: Jane's POV

**A/N: Hi guys, here's chapter 2. I want to apologize before you start reading. My computer is French and sometime it change words. I try to correct everything, but maybe I missed some.**

**I also wanted to thank you**, _Guest, Wavehap, HeavenSkye, Patresa, Cloudy Glass_ **and** _Marcia Santos_ **for your reviews, and** _phnxgrl_ **for corrected all my stories.**

**Hope you'll like this new chapter.**

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**Chapter 2:Jane POV**

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I shook my head, I didn't know why I did it. Why I came here tonight? What was the reason I wanted to explain my departure. At this moment, I, the great Patrick Jane, didn't know what to say. Seeing her today had made me feel strange. When I left almost a year ago I never thought I would see her again. Not that I didn't want to but I knew that when I left she would not forgive me or that was my thinking back then but now it was different. I could not forgive myself either, but I had to. The night we spent together was the most magical of my life since the death of my family. I had always had feelings for her, friendly to begin with then deeper as time passed. I wanted to keep them in my heart as long as possible but it did not work.

I had opened my heart to her even after what she had done. I had every reason to be angry with her. Lisbon had done the one thing she should not have done. She had stolen my revenge by her killing Red John. I had been terribly angry. Even more than I thought I could be in one day. For years I had told her what I wanted to do. It should be me killing him and nobody else. I thought she had understood but that was not the case. She had killed him. I had blamed her.

That evening when she had come to see me, I had yelled at her. I told her everything I had on my heart at that moment. She had also screamed and had stated the fact that it was her job and not mine. She was right. It was never my place to do it. It also meant that she did not have to do it either. I never wanted her to meddle even though she was in charge of the case. I had wanted to shield her from my past. I should have known that nothing could prevent Lisbon from doing her job. It was imprinted in her DNA.

We had argued and fought by throwing everything at each other. Finally Lisbon had said the words she should not have. She had said that she loved me and I reacted impulsively. I had caught her face between my hands and had kissed her with all the strength of feeling that I kept in my heart. And against any and all odds, she had responded to the kiss by putting her arms around my neck. Then one thing led to another and we had ended up in bed. We kissed, caressed and showed love each other. We had fallen asleep in the arms of one another with her head on my chest and one of my arms around her waist.

But in the morning I realized I could not stay. I had read the text that fateful morning. I had opened my eyes and I had never seen her so peaceful. Once I knew what I had to do I was a broken man. I knew I could never make her happy as she deserves. That's why I left without a word that morning. I knew that if I told her she would have blamed even me more. She would have reproached me for not having asked for her opinion. I knew if I did I would ruin her forever. I know I would have never left and I had to go for her sake and mine. I know I'm not the man she needs even if she thinks otherwise. I didn't think that she still wanted me now especially not after last year.

I still remember the sweetness of her kisses and the warmth of her body against mine. I had felt so many things I did not expect to feel again in my life. Her body against mine and her gentleness awoke feelings which I could not lead me astray. Teresa was soft, tender and especially caring. She especially wanted to make me happy. She was self sacrificing, not thinking of her own welfare. I would like to think I was altruistic in my motives. I think I have succeeded a little too well. I would have liked to stay with her and never leave. I had to do it for her to survive. I needed to think about what I wanted to do now.

I raised my eyes that I did not remember having lowered to look at Teresa. She had waited for an explanation. I came to give her one after all. So I walked into the room going directly into the kitchen to make me a cup of tea. It was my normal behavior. I felt her eyes following me and I could tell she rolled her eyes at my hubris. It felt good that some things had never changed. I found what I needed in the closet. I was even surprised to find my favorite tea. I turned to face her questioningly. She bowed her head. There was no need for words I had understood. So I made my tea and made one for her. I had noticed she must have been drinking it more than before. I had to smile seeing that my observational skills were still intact even after a year of disuse.

I moved into the living room to sit on the couch. Teresa followed along with me. I could feel her anger but what I saw instead of contempt was her love. I wondered if she could stop loving me? It had been a year and she had not moved on. I was so hoping she would but it was not to be. It would be better if she would hate me then she could have the closure she needed. What I was going to tell her would make her suffer even more and I didn't want it. I never wanted this for her but life was like that.

- "I'm listening," she said to break the silence that became oppressive.

- "I'm sorry," I told her, and she closed her eyes painfully. "I'm sorry to have left you without any news for so long."

- "I do not care about your excuses Jane" she cut me short. "You said you had an explanation then tell me then go away."

She was definitely very angry against me. But I could also see at bottom of her eyes that little hope that I'd come back for her. This was not the case. So I took a deep breath before starting.

- "After this night together" I began and I saw her close her eyes again. "I realized that I could never make you happy as you deserve so I left. I know it was selfish of me but you deserve so much more than what I can offer you Teresa."

- "Lisbon, for you its Lisbon" she said with her voice painfully hard. "You lost the right to call me Teresa the night you left without saying anything. It was as if I was only a one night stand and nothing more."

- "You have been so much for me ... Lisbon." I said.

- "…And now… What am I to you?" she asked.

I could hear the pain in her voice. What was I supposed to say now? I was afraid of her reaction. But I had to tell her the truth, never mind the consequences for me.

- "You were and will always be my best friend Lisbon, There is nothing that can change it" I began and I saw her tighten her arms around her knees against her chest as a way to protect herself. "But life does go on and things have changed over the past year."

- "Changed How?" Lisbon asked very curious.

- "I ..." I faltered, it was the moment of truth. "I met someone."

I could see the shock on her face along with it the pain. I could also feel her hopes soar in the air then see the hurt in her eyes. I knew I had to break her a little more and I hated himself for it. But what could I do? When I left I never thought I would meet a woman who can also make me happy. It was not in the way Teresa would but this woman was so important to me. We understood each other and I didn't think I would ever return to Sacramento. I didn't think I would see Teresa ever again. I thought she would eventually forget me and would live her life. If I only knew she had hoped for me to come back. I was about to explain more but she cut me off again.

- "You ... are you happy?" She asked in a small voice.

- "I am" I said but it was not exactly the truth.

- "Go now" she whispered closing her eyes.

- "Lisbon" I tried to reason with her.

- "Go Jane please and never come back." She said with her shoulders sagging.

I watched her for a moment. Her shoulders were trembling, but she tried as best she could not to cry. I knew I'd hurt her again. I was good at making her suffer. I knew if I stayed here I would do her more harm. I decided to listen and leave. I walked to the door with one hand on the handle but turned around one last time to gaze at her. I saw her raise her head a tear ran down her cheek then I left. I would never come back even if I wanted it with all my heart. I wanted to talk to her and explain the reasons for my departure and that of my return. She didn't let me finish. She assumed I was not single anymore which was not exactly the case. I could never tell her the truth of this situation while she still refused to see me.

**- oooo -**

I arrived at my caravan less than an hour later. I could have come sooner, but I went to the beach to clear my mind. I needed to think before going back home. But now I was at home and I knew Allison was waiting for me. When I entered, she immediately came to me and kiss me on the lips before leaving and returning to finish the meal. I put my jacket on the back of the chair and stood there for a moment. She must have sensed that something was wrong because she left what she was doing and return to my side. I felt her arms around my waist. She laid her head on my shoulder as I put my hands on hers.

- "It went bad" she stated. She did know me so well.

- "Rather badly yes" I breathed.

- "You told her about us?" she asked.

- "And she took it badly she was still waiting for me" I added.

- "I'm sorry Paddy." She said.

- "It is not your fault it's all mine." I said.

Allison knew everything about my past. I had never had to hide anything from her not even my love affair with Teresa. She knew what I had done. She knew that I had left behind me was a great woman and I regretted it. She was so nice to me anyway. I still wonder how she could stay with me. She could have had much better in life. She deserved so much more too. But she was as unlucky as me and that had brought us back together. We lived together for several months after that fateful day when I learned of Allison's pregnancy. I could not leave her alone in this situation. She needed help and I was the only one who could supply it.

We heard a cry and Allison was moving away to go to the bedroom. She soon returned with little Joshua. Jane approached them to kiss him on his forehead and he stopped crying. This child was so cute he also deserved a better life Jane thought. I wanted for us to live like normal people. I wanted a life in which they would be happy. I wanted to explain all of this to Teresa. I wanted her to help us or rather Allison and Joshua. But now I knew that we could only rely on us.

- "You should try again Paddy" Allison said while jostling her son against her. "I think if you told her the whole truth she'll listen."

- "She refuses to see me Alli. I don't see how I could tell her if I can not even see her at all." I said.

- "Maybe I could try" she suggested.

But I knew it would be worse if it was she who would see Teresa. She would hate the woman who, in her mind, had stolen my heart and had taken me away from her. I could not blame her. She had every right to believe that. Allison was indeed the one who had held me away from her during these months but not in the way she imagined. Allison and I were just friends and have been for many years.

We knew each other since we were children. Allison was Angela's the best friend. When my wife and I left the carnie life, we had asked her to come with us. She refused she was not ready to leave at that time. Years had passed, we had totally lost contact. I'd found out she was alone and with child. I could not leave her to this cruel fate. So I stayed I sacrificed my happiness with Teresa for my friend. I should have told her that when I sat on that couch.

I had to find a way to see Teresa again. This time really talk to her and do not try to find away to escape. I did not want our last conversation to be the last. I did not want her to live in the belief that I did not love her enough to come back. I loved her with all my heart and I never cease to love. I looked again at Alli playing with Joshua. I smiled as I saw them. They were so beautiful. I could not leave them. I loved them too. They were my family. I did not know what to do. I wanted to go back to Teresa but I did not want to lose them either. I was lost and it never had happened to me.

Alli looked up at me and her smile faded. She approached me and put a hand on my cheek. Jane shed a tear and she wiped it away with her thumb. Fortunately, she was there to support me even more than he had supported her. During those first few months away I don't know what I would have done without her he thought. I watched her moving away to put Joshua in his crib and then come back to me. She sat on the second chair and forced me to watch her.

- "We will find a way Paddy" she tried to reassure me.

- "Easier said than done" I smiled bitterly.

- "Don't worry Love, we'll find a way to make her understand that you love her. I will go and see her. I'll explain everything and I'm sure she'll understand." She said full of optimism.

- "I am not so confident." I said with downcast eyes.

- "You must believe Paddy…otherwise it is doomed to failure." She cautiously wrapped her arms around me then placed her head on my shoulder.

The more I listened to her the more I thought I was lucky to have her in my corner. She was right I should not lose hope. I would be able to make Teresa understand that I had not forgotten her. I just hoped she would understand why I did not come back until now. She had to understand it was absolutely necessary.

- "Well, come to eat now" said Allison.

I smiled again and set the table. We ate laughing and telling us good old memories.

**- oooo -**

In the morning, I got up with difficulty. Even though I slept on a couch I dreamt of the one at the CBI now that was a couch. It was very comfortable to sleep on unlike the lumpy monstrosity I currently held. I did not sleep very well and for once Joshua was not to blame. The boy had slept all night. Alli came out of her room while I prepared tea while thinking on a way to contact Teresa. An idea came into my head but I doubt that it could work. I had little chance but I had to try something. I pulled out my phone then sent a message and waited for an answer. Against all odds, I obtained one and I smiled. I prepared myself for the coming discussion I dressed quickly and left the caravan. I left a note to Allison since she had gone back to bed after getting her coffee as it was her morning ritual. I didn't want to bother her. She knew very well what I intended to do today. I took the bus having no car since I joined my old friends then headed towards the city center. I went to a tea shop and waited for my appointment.

The door opened and I saw Cho enter. I could see on his face that he was angry at me. I could not blame him. He had every reason to be angry. He sat in front of me and I suddenly felt bad. I could see in his eyes that he tried not to hit me in the face. I thanked him with a look.

- "Thank you for coming Cho I know I have disappointed all of you." I humbly said.

- "I don't do it for you" he said with his tone it was clear he blamed Jane for the rift.

- "So thank you for her" I said.

- "What do you want Jane?" Cho spoke with much venom.

He was direct as always this I counted on.

- "I want you to help me to talk to Lisbon." Jane said.

- "She never will never again talk to you. She blames you and she's right." Cho said.

- "I know but I can explain why I stayed away for so long." I pleaded.

- "I don't want to know. All I want is for you to stop to hurting her. You don't know what she's been through this year and it's all because of you." Cho said.

-"You are right I do not know what happened over this year. I am deeply sorry my actions were wrong." Jane said.

-"You are apologizing to the wrong person." Cho said.

-"Cho I know I am but imagine you have had the most beautiful night of passion then you learn your Childhood friend needed you. This was someone that knew you from infancy? What would you do? If you knew the relationship you so desperately wanted would have to wait maybe indefinitely? Cho how could you encourage hope? That was what I was facing. I needed Lisbon to hate me so she could move on when I left. But I know now she will never do that. That is why I have to see her again." I said.

Cho started to speak again then he had an understanding come to his eyes.

-"Jane I will see what I can do. I can not make any promises. She is under the impression you do not love her anymore. You need to make this right." Cho said.

-"Give me chance and I will." I promised.

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**TBC ...**

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**A/N2: So, did you like it? I can't wait to know.**

**Next chapter as soon as I can. I'll try to update Friday.**


	4. Chapter 3: Cho's POV

**A/N: I everyone. Here's chapter 3.**

**For those who didn't understand the previous chapter, Jane never left Lisbon to find a replacement to her. When he left he thought it was for the best. He wanted to think and as he didn't know when he would come back, he wanted for her to move on with her life. But now he is back and he wants to explain everything to her, he wants her to forgive him for what he did. Allison is just a friend, a very good friend who needed him at a time when he was lost. She helped him as much as he helped her. And now, she wants to help him again with Lisbon.**

**I hope that now I will have more reviews. I know if I didn't get much it was because you didn't understand.**

**But if you still don't like my story after this chapter, I have an other one ready.**

**A big thank to** _Marcia Santos, Guest_ **and** _Patresa_ **for your reviews.**

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**Chapter 3: Cho POV**

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I was sitting in front of Jane. I didn't really want to be here or to be with him after what he did to Lisbon and the rest of all my colleagues at the CBI but especially Lisbon this last year. I blamed Jane for disappearing without even a goodbye. It was the height of rudeness. I thought he may be blunt but rude never! There was always a special bond between those two. It was a link that nobody else understood.

Jane's departure was extremely difficult for her. She was really upset. Lisbon had never acted like that before. I felt a failure since I was not able to do anything to help. She had been a colleague for a very long time by taking me as second in command, position that allowed me to see Lisbon in all her glory. She gave me a chance when nobody believed in me because of my past. She did not see the sordid past of a gang member. To her there stood a qualified agent nothing else.

It was that quality of generosity was what Jane used against her. It was very sad to see her suffer every day and not being able to do anything to change or help. She had changed a lot since he had left. She faltered and left her second in command, me, in charge of the team to ensure that everything went well so she didn't lose her job. I stepped up admirably. It should not have to last much longer. If the return of Jane would break Lisbon again then he was better to not ever return. The problem was that he didn't seem to want it. His message this morning was intriguing and it was the only reason for the meet to find out exactly what Jane wanted.

Jane spoke his explanations. It included how sad he was that Lisbon refused to talk to him. She had no reason to forgive him he was told that. He had gone too far this time, he didn't deserve any help. His eyes had no luster or even life to them. It was looking into Lisbon's dead eyes. This was a truth of how this separation had damaged them both. It was apparent that he blamed himself. He was really sorry to have left like that and have hurt her. It is Lisbon's choice no other to talk to him.

- "I swear Cho" he said, "I never wanted to hurt her. I've always wanted her to move on for her own good."

- "And you really think that leaving her would do her good?" I said throwing it back at him.

- "I knew she would suffer at first I thought she eventually forget me. She would have been free to live her life and she would be happy." Jane said

- "She was only sinking a little more each passing day" I confessed seated across from Jane. "She could no longer smile or work for that matter. She would have lost her job if we had not been there to help her."

Jane's eyes open wide. It was hard to believe and if he had not seen it himself. It was unbelievable being there I stood witness to her deteriorating condition.

- "What do you want to do to her this time?" I asked being curious.

- "I realized I could not live without her." Jane said. "I was wrong in thinking she would forget about me."

- "Then why you left? You blamed her for Red John's death?" I asked.

- "No, I've never blamed her. The only thing that I blamed her was for being placed in that position to take that risk." Jane said. "I was angry that she was forced to be the one to shoot him."

- "But it was her duty, a part of her work. She knew what she risked doing it." I explained.

- "She could have died" Jane yelled. "She could have died, and for what?"

- "For you, she had done it for you" I replied with angry eyes. "If she had not gone there, you'd be dead and you know it."

- "I was not worth it Cho" he whispered while lowering his head.

He was wrong. He was worth it. If he had died, Lisbon would not ever have surrendered. We all knew it. He was the only one who did not understand I thought.

- "She loves you Jane that's why she was ready to die." I said.

- "I know Cho I wish she didn't love me. I wish she would find someone else who is more open and less damaged than me." Jane lamented.

- "So why would you come back now if you want her to find someone else?" I asked.

- "I can not forget about her. I think of her too much. I also love her with all my heart." Jane said.

He had never been so sincere. This was something new. The way he talked the way he was honest. He had never been before today. He still was holding back the real reason of his departure.

- "Look Jane, if you want me to help you. You must tell me everything" I forcefully related.

- "What do you want to know Cho?" Jane said looking defeated.

- "What had happened between you and Lisbon before you left?" I asked.

I saw him blanch. I felt that what he was about to tell me was likely to get me angry and I already regretted having asked. But I needed to know everything if I wanted to help them both. They needed help and I think I must be the only one to do so. Rigsby was too afraid of Lisbon's health to try anything. Grace, she was nice, had a heart of gold, but was too naive and she had already suffered enough in life to deal with more cases of heart of his boss. This left me.

- "Before I tell you anything, you must know that I blamed myself a lot, and I regret leaving like I did." Jane said.

- "Tell me and we'll see what I would do next." I confirmed.

- "I ... Lisbon came to see me in the evening ..." He took a deep breath. "We fought, we cried and she told me she loved me." Jane said recalling that night.

- "And…?" I prompted.

- "And I don't know what came over me ... but I kissed her and ... We ..." Jane said collapsing more in the chair.

He didn't need to finish his sentence for me to understand. Lisbon and he had slept together. I knew it had to happen one day. But I saw red. He had slept with her and had left her. How he thought he could come back now? He had gone too far this time. He had somehow abused her. She was the only woman to really love him. If I didn't restrain myself, I would put my fist in his face.

I could not do that not now. He had made a mistake it was a big one. Now he wanted to make things right. He needed help and I was there. I could not so easily forget what he had done. But he had at least the merit of recognizing his faults which didn't happen often, if ever. Jane was right he thought he was always right and didn't admit a mistake. Seeing him so sad, so uncomfortable, I think that perhaps he had decided to change and do things right.

I sat up in my chair drawing his attention. I met his eyes again and I could see they were shining with unshed tears. It was strange to see him cry. I'd never seen him cry. I reached a hand forward and grabbed his arm in a friendly way.

- "I will help you Jane," I said. "But promise me never to hurt her like that again. She deserves more."

- "I swear Cho, I never wanted that." Jane said.

I lessened my grip on his arm then grabbed the cup and took a sip of tea before sitting in front of him. He had not finished, he still had something to confess.

- "During my absence, I met a woman, one I already knew. She was a friend when I was a kid. She had problems and I decided to help her but when I.. wanted to explain it to Lisbon, she did not listen. "

- "Tell me about it" I told him. "If you started your sentence as now, she had to believe you had someone in your life. That you moved on with your life without her."

- "But Allison and I are just friends nothing more there. It is Lisbon that I love." Jane confessed.

- "You should have said that to her." I said.

- "I know and that's why I want to talk to her. But I also know that I'm not good enough for her" he whispered dejectedly.

- "You may have a chance to make things right" I reassured him. "If I help you maybe she will agree to talk to you. This is your last chance to make things right don't blow it!" I said.

- "Thank you Cho" Jane said.

- "Don't thank me yet." I replied.

Jane sat there after I left him finish his drink quietly. Jane was assured that there would be contact when needed.

**- oooo -**

Arriving at the CBI Rigsby and Van Pelt were working at their desk. They raised their heads at my approach as I looked for Lisbon. Unable to find her then I surmised she must have been late again. The office door was closed, the blinds raised, the office was empty and dark. Looking at my colleagues they just shrugged. Lisbon was making this lateness a habit. Sitting down I waited for her to arrive.

Less than twenty minutes later she entered with head down and dark circles under the eyes. It was apparent she still had not slept. Jane had finally broken her. In her condition it would be hard to convince her otherwise. However, Jane insisted to explain himself. He wanted to apologize. He had done wrong and he knew it. I even told him that I would talk to Lisbon. I had to try for her sake.

Once I saw her in her office, I got up to go make a coffee. If I had to tell her that, as she needed her coffee. Even if it was used just to calm her down a bit. So I prepared her cup then made my way to her office. I knocked gently on the door then waited for her answer. I sat down in front of her and saw her looking at me.

She was really tired. She could not hide it and didn't even try. Placing the cup in her hand she took it then gave thanks.

- "I saw Jane this morning" I said.

- "So what…?" Her tone was cold.

- "He wants to talk to you." I said.

- "I don't want to talk to him. He does not need me to give him the time of day after what he did." She said sipping from the cup.

- "I know he has done wrong. He really wants to see you" I said by trying again.

- "He had moved on with his life while I was suffering from his departure" she said. "He left without saying anything. He left without even giving me a word. He took advantage of me and what I have left now? I just have to live with my pain and shame." She said looking down.

She took a deep breath then wiped away a tear from her cheek and looked down. She had not finished, I knew she still had things to say and I sat there silent allowing her to do it. She needed to talk. She just had kept it for too long. She had to empty a little or she might explode that was something no one wanted to happen.

- "He ... Jane and I have ..." she tried.

- "I know" I said.

- "How did you find out… Cho" Lisbon asked.

- "He told me after I threatened to punch him out. He looked defeated too Boss." I said.

- "What do you mean defeated Cho?" Lisbon asked curiously about Jane's condition.

- "Boss he looks like you." I said.

- "What do you mean look like me?" Lisbon said.

- "Boss you need to listen to what he has to say. I saw him tormented. It is not what I expected." I said again.

Lisbon thought about my report. It would not be right. I didn't lie and she could see it. If I said he looked tormented that would be an accurate description. It does not make sense to her. Jane said he was happy. He had lied. If he lied about that he might have lied about meeting someone too. Lisbon thought about this a moment. Why would he lie? He said he wanted me happy. The stupid oaf! Lisbon finally figured him out.

-"Cho how can I contact him?" Lisbon said.

I was surprised on my Boss' turn around.

-"Uh… He texted me a location." Cho said.

-"Ok Cho I want a meet text him that and see what he does!" Lisbon said looking like the old Lisbon once again.

I cracked a smile. It was miraculous that is exactly what it was.

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**TBC ...**

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**A/N2: So, did you like it? I hope you did.**

**Next chapter as soon as I can, or a new story, it's up to you.**


	5. Chapter 4: Lisbon's POV

**A/N: ****hi all, here's chapter 4. Hope you'll like it.**

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**Chapter 4****:Lisbon POV**

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Cho had just left my office. I didn't know what to think of it. Cho had spoken to Jane. He urged me to go talk to him. I really wanted to see him if only to enjoy his presence. I'm still injured and hurt by his actions. He had hurt me worst than anyone else in my life that was including my father. Though there was no physical violence. It was worst than a simple beating. He had left me without a word after getting what he wanted. Cho had made me understand that this was not the case. The man he was he felt unworthy of me. The stupid man did not understand I love him as he was not some ideal.

I loved Jane for years and I kept it all within me. All this time I had loved him in silence. I was there for him. Whenever he needed me, I was there. I would have been ready to die for him. It had almost happened in the case a year earlier. I must overcome this hurt. I still cry at night. Why did he have to return? Why did he come see me last night? I was about to move forward in life, to start going out and have fun. Now I must see him to find out for myself why was he so tormented?

Cho had resumed his seat behind his desk. Rigsby and Van Pelt worked in silence. As I gazed across the bullpen I could see my junior give light glances my direction. She was worried about me and I could not blame her. Lately I was not myself, I was not the boss she had known and I blamed myself for it. I had to do something to change. I had to show her and the others that I could become myself again. I had one important thing to do even if I lack the courage. I exited my office after Cho reported he had done as I asked. The meet was set.

- "I will be going to leave for an hour. Keep busy while I'm gone." I said to my team. "If you need me, you have my number."

- "Sure thing boss" replied Cho.

Leaving the CBI I knew this meet was going to be important. I had to see him to see if Cho's report was true. I wanted it to be with all my heart. I still didn't know what my reaction would be. I was torn between first slapping him silly for being so stupid or kiss him silly because I still loved him.

I drove on to the meet it was in the camping area of this little Carney Jane had attached himself. As I drove up I could not determine what caravan trailer would be his. I stopped and got out.

I saw a man who trained circus dog. He was running the dog through its paces as I approached. The animal jumped on the back legs with both front legs in front of him while barking on command. The man spun around to offer a sugar cube to reward the dog's performance. I clapped wildly and the man took noticed my presence.

-"Ah yee better not encourage him or he will be doin' it all day." The Man said.

Properly chastised I stopped applauding then I spoke.

- "Would you help me I am looking for Patrick Jane?" I asked.

- "Wee Paddy…? He be on the trailer at the bottom of the hill me Lady." The man said then bowed with a flourish.

- "Thank you kind Sir" I replied.

I followed his direction then moved in and about the various caravans until I heard his voice. I would recognize it among a thousand. It was unique and made my heart beat faster. It drew me closer like a magnet then I was in his presence Patrick Jane who saw me and came running up to me.

- "Lisbon…! You arrived." He said with his arms wide and inviting.

I rushed toward him until I saw a woman who looked much like his first wife Angela and she had a child with her. Now it made sense he knocked her up then found out and being all Patrick Jane noble had to come to her. I certainly could not stand in the way of that. Cho was correct he was unhappy and tormented even. But as I gazed at the woman she looked serene. The child was certainly happy too.

- "Patrick I should not have come. Bye Now" I said as I turned and fled up the hill.

Patrick tried to reason with me but I would not listen. I jumped into my car and drove away fast before Patrick could catch me. I was not heartbroken but resigned to my fate to always love him but always from afar.

**- oooo -**

I chose not to return to the office. This encounter with Jane was upsetting enough. I didn't have the strength to explain it to them. So I returned home to be alone. I went to meet Jane to allow him to explain. He did not need to explain. I was a big girl I could see the writing on the wall. Though I recognize what it was I still hurt. I berated myself over my decision to go there. It was not useful. I believed I made the biggest mistake of my life. Why I had listened to Cho? He wanted to help me. It only made things worse. I thought I could put aside the pain I had felt this year and give him a chance. Though, he didn't even deserve it. My love for him was so strong that I could not but be happy in the knowledge that he was a father again.

Jane was great with kids he adored them. He had suffered so much in his life that he deserved a little happiness. I just regret that it was not with me. I would have done anything for him. I was even ready to start a family. The time went so fast and I was soon to be forty. I was seriously considering making my life and I thought that after the night we spent, it would be with him. Cruel fate had other plans. I had to get used to the idea that I would never have the family that I always dreamed.

I went up to my room. I didn't want to do anything today, just sit on my couch and watched old romantic movies or otherwise. A pot of ice-cream, a glass of wine I found in my closet. I knew I was pathetic but I didn't know what else to do. It was as if he had broken my heart again.

As I sat on the couch I heard a knock at the door. Hopefully it better not be Jane. This time it would not be kisses which awaited him. I got up then opened the door. If it was Jane I wanted to be ready. It was not Jane who stood at the door. It was the woman who had supplanted me and who stole the man I loved. She dared to present herself at my home? I wanted nothing more than to yell and get rid of her out of my life though I could not.

- "May I come in I think we have something to discuss?" She asked shyly.

I stepped aside to let her pass. She stood in the living room uncertain to stand or sit down.

- "Please sit down then tell me why you are not with your child?" I said.

- "Oh you saw him? He is the apple of my eye. He is getting so big." She gushed.

- "It was hard to miss. So again I do not want to be rude why are you here?" I asked again.

- "Paddy does not know I came to you. This I figure needs to be settled woman to woman." She said.

- "Paddy…?" I inquire.

- "Oh that is what I called him since we were children. To you it would be Patrick." She said.

- "Children…?" I said surprised.

- Oh yes old Paddy, My Sister Angela and myself all grew up together. When Paddy and Angela married was one of the happiest time in my life. They moved way. They asked me to come with them but I had my eye on Jonny Mathers. He was a strapping young man. But long story I did finally rope in ol' Jonny but he was back with the drink. Paddy had to stop him from hitting me twice before. Then he upped and left me with child and no support. Paddy bless his heart came as soon as I called. He has been with me ever since out of family loyalty I assume. Ms. Lisbon he is in the worst pain I have ever seen him. I just need to know why?" Allison said.

I studied her from head to toe and had to admit she was beautiful. Jane had good taste. She had beautiful blue eyes, long blonde hair and she made me think of Angela. She had the same natural beauty that I had seen in Jane's late wife from photos.

- "Well what is your name? I asked politely.

- "Oh I beg your pardon I am Allison." She said.

- "Well Allison… He broke my heart after we made love. He left without a word thinking I would be better off without him the stupid oaf!" I said recalling that glorious morning.

- "Aye Men can be so stupid." Allison agreed.

- "That they are so… Patrick came to you that morning?" I asked.

"Aye we were nearby at the time. He appeared in the morning. I was so frantic after Jonny left. He took everything. Paddy sold his car to buy in the troop which also gave us a place to stay. Paddy has been pining for you for the longest time." Allison said.

- "Pining for me why?" I asked.

- "Well it is not my place to say but will you please give him one more chance. My Paddy is a very good man and does not deserve to be in such pain." Allison said rising.

I got up and headed to the door to let her out. She turned to me one last time.

- "He does love you" she said.

- "I love him too though I felt I could get rid of this feeling by alas no." I said.

She looked at me and nodded.

-"I'll tell him." She said then left.

I closed the door and sat down. Alison was not his wife but his Sister and the child a Nephew. I had it all wrong. In my blind panic I assumed wrongly. However, this still did not let him off the hook for not calling. 'Stupidity thy name is Man' I thought recalling a bible verse from my youth.

I no longer had the urge to watch TV or even eat ice-cream. I needed to think about what I had learned. I went into my room then lay down on my bed. There on the covers of that same bed I thought about Jane. What we had endured together. The years we worked together. He was my best friend. I knew it now though earlier in the day that would have been debatable. He had always there for me when I needed it and I reciprocated. Once we had crossed the line I feared. I thought everything would be fine for us. Then he left without telling me and I thought I had lost him. But finally, I had another chance, he still loved me. I would find it hard to forgive. I could do it for Patrick Jane the love of my life.

I had new hope I had another chance to be happy. I felt much better with my feelings. I had to go back to work. I could not go on as last year. I had to show my team that I was better. I was a strong woman I would be able to regain what I had always been. So I decided to get ready and go to CBI. I was in a pretty good mood for a busy day.

**- oooo -**

I was heading back to the office before anyone would worry. Cho knew where I had gone but the others knew nothing. I didn't want to worry them. On my return to the CBI my phone rang and I put it on speaker.

- "Lisbon" I replied sounding the best I have been in a year.

Cho paused for a moment unsure it was the same Teresa Lisbon who had left earlier.

I cleared my throat then Cho spoke.

- "Boss we have a case in the industrial area. I'll text you the address" Cho said.

- "Ok I got it. I'm on my way. I'll meet you there." I said following the directions on my GPS.

- "Ok Boss I'll see you there" Cho said then hung up.

Being so close I had gotten there before the team arrived. I joined with the local police officer who gave me the necessary information. Once he was finished the team had appeared. I smiled to reassure Cho I was fine. I gave out the orders then started the investigation. The team acted surprised and looked at Cho for the explanation then did as I ordered. I had showed them I was me again, Teresa Lisbon, the lead investigator all healed. We were a new team without Jane. It was still my team.

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**TBC ...**

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**A/N2****: I hope now you all understand why Jane didn't come back earlier. I also hope I will get more reviews. Please, let me know what you thought of this chapter.**


	6. Chapter 5: Lisbon's POV

**A/N: ****here's chapter 5. I hope you'll like it.**

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**Chapter 5:****Lisbon POV**

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It was now one week since Allison came to see me and I still had not gone to see Jane. I now know the reason for his departure. I knew he never wanted to hurt me even if h is actions did. I had forgiven him. I could never really stay mad at him for long. This man was so special. I blamed him for what he did but yet I still loved him. So today while I sat in my office completing yet another report. I still could not take him out of my mind. I looked at the picture on my desk. It was a picture of Jane which sat there. I could never bring myself to remove it. He was so beautiful with that smile. I melted just looking at his picture.

The door opened there stood the new boss of the CBI, agent Felger. He was an upright man and a good agent. He had a long and distinguished career behind him. We already have had many bosses in my tenure but none ever stayed very long. Minnelli was the best and I really regretted the departure of that man. He was a good leader, a mentor and a friend. Luckily, I still had contact with him and I knew he was doing well. Felger came to stand before me demanding my attention.

- "I can do something for you, sir?" I asked while putting my pen in front of me.

- "I just wanted to tell you that you will have a new member in your team" he said.

- "A new team member Sir…?" I raised a questioning eyebrow.

I had not heard of it and I began to worry.

- "Well, not so new, as you know him already and I expect professionalism from you agent Lisbon." He said.

I wondered why he would say such a thing. I was not always professional? I had always been? I didn't see why the arrival of a new member on my team should change that? He walked to the bullpen and I followed him being more and more intrigued. What I found took me by surprise and I didn't know what to say or do. I can not believe he could be there in front of me after the last time I saw him. Maybe I had forgiven him that didn't mean that I was able to talk and work with him.

I saw him in front of me with his hands in pockets and not daring to say a word. I had only one wish. I wanted to run and hug him. I wanted to pull him tight against me then tell him how much I wanted to have listened to him. At that moment I could not do that. I would not give free rein to my emotions. I would wait for another moment when we would be alone just the two of us. I don't know what I would say. I knew I would find something. For now I just wanted to know what he was doing here. I knew he had returned to his previous life so why come back now?

Taking a look at my team I could see that they were not really excited for his return and I could understand that. When he left us we were all hurt not just me. I had not seen it at the time being so obsessed with my own grief. I could see it now and I felt their pain. While for all those months they had all help me, cheer me up and ensure that I would keep my job. They had suffered in silence never once complained about the burden I imposed on them. It was not that we did not solve cases. We certainly did. We still worked as a well oiled machine though my part had diminished greatly. I blamed myself not to have been there for them as they were for me. I had promised to remedy this in the future. For the moment we had something else to do.

- "Mr. Jane will be your new consultant" said Felger. "I hope that you all stay professional"

- "We are always professional sir" I said in a serious voice with my eyes still on Jane. "I promise you will not have anything to complain about our work."

- "Well, I expect nothing less from you." He stated.

And with that Our Boss walked away to return to his office. That left us alone with the new or not so new member of our team. I saw my team ignore the intrusion then plunge into their work. Jane remained up right not knowing what to do. After a moment of quiet contemplation he finally dared to look up at me. I was not in the mood to speak with him. I turned to go back to my office. I still didn't know why he came back into the team. I did not know if it was temporary or if he really planned to come back for good. I was afraid of the answer and I didn't dare ask. I knew I was being silly. I would never get those answers I sought until I asked him directly.

It felt familiar with him shadowing me. I ignored him and said nothing nor did I turn to look at him. As I walked into the office he still followed me then entered and closed the door. I sat on my chair as he sat on the couch it was if the year had not taken place. I ignored him as I always did. He did not dare to break the silence and neither did I. The atmosphere was heavy and I knew that I should break it soon. What would I say anyway?

I also knew that Jane had something to say. He wanted to finally explain to me the reasons for his departure. It was those reasons which I already knew so there was no need for that discussion. After a few long minutes of silence I finished my paperwork. I dropped my pen took a deep breath and leaned back in my chair then looked straight at him. It was if my eyes were daring him to speak. He looked cowed by looking away at first then something happened. He gathered the courage to look me in the eye. I got excited when I saw him ready to speak. I raised my hand to stop him. As Boss I should go first.

- "We need to talk Jane. I know that but here it not the proper place nor time. I hope you understand." I said keeping my sentences short willing my sentences from becoming a torrent of words.

- "Lisbon ..." he tried.

- "Later, we'll talk later." I reassured him. "Right now I need you to just go to your couch. Nothing is happening yet."

- "I understand I have dreamt of that couch. I am surprised you did not throw it out or burn it, Lisbon." Jane said leaving my office.

He exited the office I watched him go toward the break room to make his tea I supposed. Once he was out of sight I arose and closed all the blinds. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts. What have I done to be so unlucky? What had I could do to deserve this? I wanted Jane to come back from the first day. I was even willing to forget our night if that could make him stay as much as I loved him. I could not imagine my life without him. Those wishes did not change anything. He had left and I had not even had the opportunity to offer him my idea. Now, He was back and I did not know what to do. I wanted to reestablish our friendship then explore something more in the future. He loved me as I loved him I knew that now. However, there was a trust to reinstate between us.

The rest of the morning passed quietly. No new case had appeared. There was nothing not even paperwork. I did not want to leave my office yet. I had liked that my paperwork was so minimal. Having to take Jane there was always a chance he would do or say something which will increase my paperwork level again. There was always the fear which I always kept at bay that something would happen to him. I knew that I was stupid to worry about that.

We had worked successfully together for years. He knew what he had to do to stay safe. This past year everything had changed both for me and him. I didn't know why the fear I was able to keep at bay was about to consume me. He was very important to me. He would learn that soon enough. He still would need a little time to get acclimated again. I would give him that time he needed. I didn't want to take any risk. I didn't want to lose him again. He meant too much to me.

The quiet allowed Jane to re-familiar himself. I must admit that the rest of the team did not help much. I felt sorry for him. Although, he tried to be nice they just turned their backs on him. I knew they needed time to accept him back. It would be long time. I just hoped it would not take too much time. I loved the days when Jane did stupid things. Of course I will never confess to it and Jane never needed to know.

I was sitting contemplating the new situation. The team was still busy at work when the door opened and a blonde head appeared. It was Jane. My heart leaped at the sight of glorious visage. He had not lost the habit of entering without knocking but I did not speak. He had his hands full with cup in each. I saw he was bringing me a coffee and I could not help but smile at him. It was quite warm and it felt good. Jane still knew how I liked it. I took a sip savoring the amber elixir I had not drunk for such a long time.

- "Thank you Jane" I said taking the cup. "Though I have to admit I rarely drink coffee."

Jane looked at me curiously until I spoke again.

- "Yes it is true I had been drinking tea. I guess I dropped into that habit to keep a reminder of you around me. Just like I did not remove the couch it too was a subtle reminder." I said. "However, this coffee is just the way I like it. I am happy you remembered."

- "Lisbon I always remembered what is important to you." Jane said.

That said we lapsed into a comfortable silence with him drinking his tea and I my coffee he lovingly prepared. The ice had been broken. We still were anticipating what would happen in the future. It did show one thing. Our friendship though badly bent was not broken. We still enjoyed each others company.

The team on the other hand was not as accepting as I on his return. I had to point that out to him.

"Jane you know there are more parts to this team than you and me." I said.

- "You are right Lisbon. I planned on telling them all one on one how sorry and selfish I have been. I should have never turned by back on anyone of them. I plan on remedying that right now if I could persuade you to get Agent Van Pelt in here first." Jane said with his twinkling of the eyes.

- "I agree Jane but I will be outside if you need me." I said.

- "Agent Van Pelt would you please come into my office?" I said as I leaned out my door.

Van Pelt stopped what she was doing then looked at Wayne with questioning eyes. He responded with a shrug.

- "Right away Boss" she said as she rose then entered the room. As soon as she was in the room I stepped out and closed the door.

She stared at Jane I could see through the window it might be a Mexican standoff for awhile. Then Jane rose and said.

- "I am so sorry I am an ass! I am also so sorry that I am selfish and egotistic to believe you would accept my apology. I never wanted to hurt anyone. There is a reason I left and I want to share it with you." Jane said.

Van Pelt still as a stone was curious at what he was doing. This was not like a Jane trick. It was honest and forthright too.

Jane got out the picture of his dead Wife, Him and a woman who looked like his wife.

- "That is a picture of me, Angela and Allison her sister at my wedding." Jane began then he showed her another picture. It was brutal.

- "This is a picture of Allison the day I left." Jane explained. "Her husband had beaten her then disappeared before the police could arrive. She was 5 months pregnant with my Nephew. She was without anything that man she married and finally divorced after 10 years of beatings left her with nothing."

Van Pelt began to melt. She had not realized that Jane did not leave but he was rescuing someone he loved.

- "I know this is hard but she has never known anything but the Carney. I tried to persuade her to stay here with me in Sacramento. She refused. I knew I had to do something. So I sold my car and bought into the troop. It gave her and the baby to come security. I stayed to make sure she was safe. Here is the picture of my Nephew."

Van Pelt looked at the young baby and she finally said.

- "He is cute." She said.

- "Yes he is." He said.

- "So why did you return?" the redhead asked.

- "Well two things… One a steady paycheck. The Carney has hit on hard times. Two, I finally convinced Allison that being in a Carney with a baby was not good. Her no good husband had committed murder and was locked up at Lompoc. So he was never going to be getting out. So she no longer needed to travel anymore to keep him away." Jane said.

- "Why do I get the impression you were responsible for bringing that man to justice?" She asked.

Jane just smiled. He was silent on that point.

- "So you stayed incommunicado just because you did not want that Ex from finding you. I wish you would have told us. We would have helped you." She said quietly.

- "Yes I supposed but I was an ass hoping Lisbon would have forgotten about me. I know now that would never happen. Van Pelt I felt and still feel that I am not worthy of her." Jane sadly said.

- "Yes you are not worthy but that does not matter. She chose you. You have to live with that you broke her heart. However, I have to admit since she seen you again she is much happier. Though I dislike what you have done I understand it." She said. "But do not think this has changed anything between us."

Jane bowed his head.

- "One other thing if you hurt her again for whatever reason…your body will be never found. Welcome back Jane!" She said as she left.

Lisbon returned then looked at him.

- "What did you expect? Being welcomed back with open arms?" She asked.

- "So you heard?" Jane asked.

- "The whole bullpen heard Jane." I took his hand and sat down. "I understand you but you need to understand me. I love you and nothing you can do will change that."

- "I know that now" Jane said in a small voice.

- "It was a master stroke to choose Van Pelt first though. She was the one who had the best feeling toward you in the first place. She will eventually thaw. She will also be talking to Wayne and Cho. I bet if we looked through the blinds they are discussing you." I said.

He grinned at me as I sat behind my desk. It was quick when both Rigsby and Cho came in the room with their completed paperwork. They looked at Jane seated on my couch then exited. I blew a sigh of relief.

- "Jane they have accepted your reasons. You are very lucky Cho did not punch you for general purpose." I said as I got busy on the new paperwork which needed my signatures.

**- oooo -**

The day moved slowly too slowly for my taste. It was almost quitting time so I could go home the phone rang. I answered then felt a renewed purpose it was new case. I got up and walked to my team. They immediately looked up at me before taking their belongings. We headed to the elevator. From the corner of my eye I saw Jane hesitate before getting up and join the others. I gave my orders to Van Pelt before joining the rest of the team.

The silence was heavy while driving to the scene. Jane sat in the rear with Rigsby but he didn't whisper a word. Cho was driving and I sat next to him as always. We arrived quickly which relieved us all. I head directly to the officer in charge to be informed on this case. I trusted Cho to look after Jane. After a while I returned with the information I had gleaned about the case.

- "Well, it seems we do not have much to do" I said. "A young girl has been found dead in the trunk of a car. It seems that the driver of this car is the culprit. He is already handcuffed and placed in back of the patrol car awaiting transport."

- "Then why did they called us?" Jane asked.

- "He had not been arrested at this time," I said. "He was missing when it was reported. The killer just walked back to the vehicle after he left to buy something. It was then he was apprehended."

- "Who found the body?" Cho asked as always being professional.

- "A passerby found blood dripping from the vehicle and called it in. When they opened the trunk and found the body and they called us. The girl has been identified by the ME. The family was notified her father is coming." I said.

- "This is not a good idea for him to see her at the crime site" Jane interjected again.

- "And why? He has the right to know?" cut Rigsby sharply.

- "It could be a mistake if he sees the murderer of his daughter just freshly done. Have him diverted to the ME office Lisbon. He can make the ID there in controlled conditions." Jane said.

- "What do you know. Everybody is not like you and seeks revenge" Rigsby

said.

-"Jane, that is a very good idea" I said. "Rigsby stay with the body until the ME is finished."

-"Right Boss." He said as he was getting out of the vehicle.

-"Cho get the location of the ME office in this area then contact the family to give them new directions." I said.

Each man jumped to my orders.

I stayed in the car with Jane.

Rigsby noticed the Father driving up but Cho intercepted him.

-"Is that my Daughter? Is he the one who did it!" The man asked loudly.

Cho stood in from of the man. I got out to assist him as the ME loader the body into the ambulance.

-"Sir it was a mistake to call you here. If you want to see your daughter Please follow Agent Cho's directions." I said.

-"And who are you?" The distraught man asked.

-"I am Agent Lisbon with the CBI. I am in charge of this scene. So unless you want to be arrested I suggest you do as my agent says." I said staring him down.

He followed Cho back to his car then he saw the suspect grinning at him through the window of the patrol car. Overcome with rage and grief he pulled his hand out of his pocket and I saw with horror that he was holding a weapon. I immediately took mine out with no real desire to use it.

- "Gun… He has a Gun!" I said alerting Cho who had his back to the Father.

Cho spun around to see the gun. He had not had to time to draw his yet. I looked the Father straight in the eye as I held my weapon on him. Jane had gotten out of the car and was standing beside me.

- "Mr. Brewster, put the gun down" I said to him.

- "He killed my daughter!" cried the man whose hands trembled with rage pointing at the grinning suspect.

- "Put the gun down before you do something stupid" I tried again.

He did not listen to me as his eyes were on the police car which held his Daughter's murderer who was grinning at the sight. I saw movement to my left at the corner of the eye. I did not move keeping my eye on the man. I knew it was Jane I could smell him. The Gunman had a crazy look as if he was ready for anything and I knew I would have no choice but to use my weapon. I kept hoping to be able to change his mind. To make him understand that it would not bring his daughter back that he might ruin his life.

Unfortunately I didn't have time to do or say anything more. Everything happened very quickly that I barely realized what was happening. He had fired at the police vehicle window and the bullet had bounced off. He obviously did not understand a bullet could not penetrate that window. He kept firing as the police and my agents reacted.

As I heard the shot I felt myself being thrown to the ground. I bumped my head while falling but not strong enough to make me lose consciousness. I heard more gunshots and a body falling. I tried to get up but something was on me. It was a person. I laid my eyes on this person and my blood froze in my chest discovering Jane with his eyes closed. I roll over and leaned on him.

- "Jane…?" I called him but he did not answer.

- "Jane you hear me?" I insisted. "Please open your eyes Jane, say something."

He did not respond.

-"Officer Down!" I screamed.

I felt my heart beating wildly in my chest and beating against my temples. My hands were trembling and had difficulty breathing. I felt for a pulse it was there but weakly. I was scared. I was afraid for Jane, I was afraid of losing him when I'd just had found him again.

- "Patrick opens your eyes!" I pleaded.

Everyone there was surely asking questions about me and my behavior but I didn't care.

- "Answer me Patrick." I said again in a panic.

On the ground next to me laid the man I loved. I only wanted one thing for him to open his eyes. I wanted to see his bluer than blue eyes again. I wanted to get lost in them again. I could not bring myself to lose him again, I could not bear it this time it would be too painful. I noticed the wound and my training took over. I grabbed my shirt and pressed it into the wound. I then put my hands on his abdomen from which his blood was flowing. I pressed hard as hard as possible to maintain this vital liquid in him.

I heard the distant siren of an ambulance and soon medics came to join us. Cho grabbed me by the shoulders to pull me away. I refused to let go. Cho pulled harder and I moved away so that the EMT's could stabilize him for the ride to the hospital. I let Cho lead me to the car while I was crying Jane's blood was drying on my hands. I didn't even care that police officers had seen me and all that mattered to me was Jane. I didn't want him to die. He should never have had to do that. I promised that when he awoke. I would tell him everything

Then I thought of Allison.

-"Cho we need to get Allison and her child. They are all the family Jane has." I said.

-"Right Boss" he said as we drove after the ambulance. Rigsby was left at the scene to control the action.

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**TBC ...**


	7. Chapter 6: Van Pelt POV

**A/N: ****hi everyone, here's a new chapter. Hope you'll like it.**

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**Chapter 6****:Van Pelt POV**

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The car was traveling at high speed on the road. Rigsby was behind the wheel. I was still in shock after what had happened. I saw Jane jump on Lisbon then take the bullet for her. I hated and blamed him on leaving the Boss to have made us all suffer. When he returned I cautioned that he did not love her. I was wrong…His ownership of what he did was the first step in his rehabilitation in my eyes. Then he made this ultimate sacrifice. He could not have been faking that.

I knew he had always feared weapons and that had always stayed behind the Boss whenever there was gunfire or even the possibility of such. I shook my head there was only one reason he did what he did. It was that he truly did love her. Only a man in love could do such a thing. It was disturbing as Jane had never done anything to show that he could love someone other than his wife, Angela.

Cho had taken Lisbon to the hospital almost half an hour earlier. I had just arrived on the scene when everything went down. I could see Lisbon in shock as Cho led her away. I was delayed because of the conflicting reports. Rigsby acting as a true professional and I had stayed on the scene to take statements then wrap up the crime scene.

Mr. Brewster had been arrested after shooting Jane. The man who started this mess was already been transported to the Station. I sighed then got to work. I knew I had to keep busy. It was too similar to another shooting where a man had broken my heart. He was someone I loved so much that I had been blinded to the danger. Lisbon could be completely shattered if Jane did not pull through.

I understood perfectly Lisbon after Jane left. I felt the same things after shooting my rabid dog of a fiancée. The only difference was mine was gone for good while Jane could have returned. I knew there was a strong bond between them. I had known the same day that I saw them together. They bickered constantly. Jane enraged Lisbon then made her smile. They were like that and no body could understand them. Only our team members really understand them. For everyone, Jane was good at solving cases and provided extra heaping of complaint reports. I knew he brought more than that to this team. He brought a little ray of sunshine into her life. She smiled more when he was there. She also was more wound up. That was Jane coloring outside the lines.

But during our last investigation as a team I knew nothing would ever be the same. It was about Red John. The end of this monster did not happen as Jane envisioned. It was the worst way it could have ended. One might say the contrary we had ended the terror suffered by the state of California. He had always said that Red John was his burden. It would be his and his alone to kill him then bear that guilt. No one else would need to suffer with that horrible burden. It was not to be. It had been Lisbon which had ended his life. I knew that Jane did not forgive her.

I didn't know what had happened between them before he left. The only thing I knew was that was Lisbon was heartbroken. Since that day, she had not been the same. I thought it would pass after a while. She would learn to live and work without him. That was pure optimism. She had sunk a little more each day. It was so much so that we had the added burden to ensure she didn't lose her job. I didn't blame her. I just had the hope that she would become to the strong woman I had known once.

That had almost been the case of Lisbon steadily declining for almost a year with no word from Jane. It had disturbed Lisbon as it did with all of us. Then she gradually regained the desire to work for a week and she began to smile. She also worked better. She became gradually the woman I had met years earlier. The team became again the one I had known. Well, almost since Jane was no longer with us.

That changed when Jane returned this morning. He had decided to rejoin the CBI and our team. Why now after so long? We didn't know. One thing was certain, he knew the moment he entered the bullpen that we snubbed him. It would take us time. I had never seen him so bad and I had a small tip to my heart. I had missed him and I was torn between the urge to take him in my arms and beat him for giving us so much trouble.

I could not stay mad at him. When he came to me to talk, I had let him. When he showed me the pictures of Allison his Sister in Law and Joshua his cute as a button Nephew I finally understood why he didn't came back earlier. He had stayed for his family. It had change a lot of things for me. He didn't stay away because he was mad at Lisbon for what she did. He had stay away to help protect his family. I was proud of him.

When Lisbon had arrived I could see that little twinkle in her eyes. The one she always had always in the presence of Jane. I could see that she also wanted to hug him. She chose not I surmised it was that she wanted to stay professional. Jane went to see her in her office. We then heard voices, their voices. They talked, they yelled and suddenly Jane had left the office. We didn't know what had happened but it did not really matter. It was between Jane and the boss.

The rest of the day was calm. He stayed on his couch as before. I was filing reports hanging back for a while the others left when the call came in. It should have been something simple. Then confusion happened and I was told by my Boss' Boss to meet my team. I got there only to learn from Rigsby that Jane had warned of this sort of situation. Now because of a timing error Jane was fighting for his life. It certainly had not been a good idea to let the father of the victim come anywhere close to his only child's murderer. Cleaning up the scene we were off to the hospital to learn of Jane's condition. Rigsby was driving. He held my hand as we both were worried for both our friends. Jane may have been a crappy friend but I still considered him one who was gradually rising in my esteem.

The car stopped and I raised my eyes to notice that we had arrived. We got out then together we entered the building. I asked the front desk where to find Patrick Jane. The receptionist looked up the name and gave me the room number for the OR waiting area. Reaching the area I heard Jane's voice loud and clear.

- "I'm fine… I can get out of here" he said.

A second voice which I assumed was the Doctor was disagreeing.

- "Mr. Jane you have a bullet lodged in your abdomen. It needs to be removed." The doctor said.

- "It barely penetrated the skin. See there it is! Get your forceps and take it out!" Jane said lifting his bloody shirt. "if you are so worried."

- "It is not that simple there could be complications." The doctor said.

- "Look I appreciate your position with insurance claims and such. But it is barely a graze. True the bullet is lodged between skin layers but I guess my fat prevented it from going any further. Look if you want it out hand me a scalpel. I'll dig it out myself!" Jane said.

- "We will do not such thing…Mr. Jane I must protest!" The doctor said.

Jane ignored them grabbed a scalpel then sliced his skin. There was a little blood but then out popped the bullet in pretty good condition too.

- "Cho there is your evidence I suggest you bag it and someone get me a suture kit!" Jane hollered.

The Doctors gave Jane the kit as he did a good job closing the incision. Jane spread some antibiotic cream on the stitches then covered it with gauze.

- "Now you can not say anything to your insurance company. I did it myself!" Jane said.

The doctors were flabbergasted. Finally they left.

- "Finally, Lisbon let's get out of here these Quacks will try to kill me!" Jane said placing his coat on.

- "Jane, why did you do that?" Lisbon asked.

- "What this bullet wound…? In the Carney we often had worst emergencies than this." Jane said. "Often we were far from any doctor. I had to learn otherwise most of the people in the Carney would not been alive. Besides I knew what they were trying to do.

- "What was that Jane?" I asked.

- "They wanted to bill for a full OR staff. That would cost the insurance company about 100,000. Talk about scam artists at least we in the Carney do it honestly." Jane said.

He was definitely good and I smiled even more while looking at Rigsby. He returned my smile. Wayne felt guilty though I was not present for whatever he said I knew it just the same by his behavior. Cho and Lisbon were standing in the room watching a fussing Jane. I noticed that she had stopped crying then she was amused by the antics only Jane could provide. I stood and talked to Cho.

- "Is that the bullet?" I asked looking at the piece of evidence.

- "Yes it is Jane took it out of him by himself." Cho said.

- "Was he conscious when you got here?" I asked.

- "Yeah according to the EMT's he awoke during transport." Cho said.

- "So if the bullet wound was so minor why so much blood? Why was he unconscious?" I asked being still a bit worried.

- "According to the doctors they think it was because of the emotion, stress and fear." Cho said.

- "It is understandable" Rigsby said who was also relieved it was nothing major.

- "He will therefore be able to get out of here soon" said Lisbon as her tears had dried.

She still had Jane's blood on her hands.

- "Why not take advantage of the facilities" I said pointing at the drying blood on her hands.

Lisbon agreed and darted into the nearby restroom and washed her hands then return.

- "I'm sorry for my behavior at the crime scene." Lisbon apologized.

- "There is nothing to be sorry for boss" I reassured her.

But suddenly, when I thought all was well I saw a woman come running down the hall holding a baby in her arms. She went directly to Lisbon who had immediately lost her smile. It was Allison.

- "Are you happy for what you did?" cried the woman.

- "Allison" Lisbon said trying to calm her but the other did not give her the opportunity to continue.

- "He gave you time, he waited for you to come. He came back to you,"

she continued. "And all for what? Being in the hospital the same day of his return?

I had never seen anyone speak to Lisbon that way. Lisbon did not trying to do anything to defend herself. Apparently they knew each other well enough. I looked at the baby in the arms of the woman. He was so much cuter than from the picture Jane had showed me.

- "Allison… Calm down! Lisbon had nothing to do with this. I am fine!" Jane ordered stepping out in the hallway.

- "What Pad..d..dy? You're alive?" Allison said.

- "Aye I'm alive and this scratch was nothing more than when Shamus shot old Brog. You remember what that was? Old Brog was cursing up a storm. You were there. Allison it was like that. I'm fine woman now apologize to Lisbon!" Jane commanded.

-"I'm sorry Lisbon I over reacted but what with the police car coming to pick me up. What was I supposed to expect? Everyone in the camp knew!" Allison said.

-"So what…? We are not staying there anymore! Let them talk!" Jane said.

- "Were not? Paddy we discussed this…" Allison said.

- "Yes we did and you agreed you would stay here in Sacramento where My Nephew could grow up free of that life." Jane said. "Or are you reneging on your word?"

Allison thought back she had given him her word. Something in the Carney culture was the worst offense that of breaking your word. Jane had put her in her place.

- "Aye Paddy you got me I did give you my word." Allison said.

- "Fine…Now will someone take my Sister in Law and Nephew to the CBI?" Jane asked.

- "I'll do it. Jane" I said volunteering.

- "Ok Van Pelt… You and Rigsby take them to the CBI. Jane, Cho and I will follow." Lisbon ordered. "Oh Van Pelt there is a Baby seat in the back of my vehicle you will need it."

- "Right Boss" I said walking down the hall leading Jane's family away. I stopped then looked back from down the hall I watched them act like a couple.

- "I'll get the car running" Cho said walking away then passed me not even acknowledging me standing there listening.

He was giving Lisbon and Jane time alone.

- "I was so scared…" Lisbon said beginning to cry.

- "It alright Lisbon let it out." Jane said holding her to his chest then gently rocking her.

He winced a bit from the stitches pulling but with him holding her Lisbon was able to get out all those bad emotions.

- "Can we leave now? I don't like hospitals" she whispered

-"Can I tell you a secret?" Jane confided.

Lisbon nodded her head.

- "I don't like them either…Cho is waiting for us let's go." Jane said walking toward me.

Seeing them coming, I quickly passed Cho then caught up with Rigsby and Allison who was talking his ear off. I had a big smile because I knew things between them would be working out soon.

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**TBC ...**

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**A/N2: ****So? Did you like it?**

**You are Lucky, as today is my Birthday, I have the day off, so I'll try to update a new chapter later this evening.**


	8. Chapter 7: Jane POV

**A/N****: hi every one. I am so sorry for the long wait. I was very busy, then I had problems with my car and got stuck at work for a few days. I am back now and I'll try to update faster next time. There are only 2 chapters left.**

**I also wanted to explain something. Jane calls Allison his sister, but she is not. She's his siter in law. He likes to call her his sister as she is his only family left. I hope you will like this new chapter.**

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**Chapter 7****: Jane POV**

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I was awake but the Doctor who had examined me had not told me anything. Then I heard voices in the hallway. The doctor who examined me was trying to explain the situation to my colleagues. That made me mad that the Doctor would tell Cho before me! I heard the voice of Cho thank him also Lisbon's voice too. I was sick at heart. She really seemed to have feared for me I had to admit that I too feared for her.

I had the fright of my life. It was not for me but for her. When the man had the gun pointed at her then he had that crazy eyed look I acted instinctively. I threw myself on her. I was trying to protect her as best I could. I never imagined that I would take the bullet. I just wanted to prevent her from being hurt. I lost consciousness shortly after. I had at the time heard her begging me to open my eyes.

So I was rushed to the hospital half way there I started arguing with the EMT. They strapped me down so I would not move around. Then they rushed me straight to the OR prep room. They had me hooked up to IV's. I was awake when they came to examine me. They wanted to operate and they wanted my permission. I would not give it. So I was stuck waiting impatiently for the doctor to gives me the green light to get out of here. I never liked hospital and it was not going to start now.

I wanted only one thing at this moment. It was Lisbon I wanted to see. She was the woman for which I had risked my life. It felt funny to think that. As a general rule it was she who took the risks. I was afraid of a weapon that was no secret. I didn't even know why I act this way, or rather, yes I knew. I didn't want to see her die. My feelings for this woman were much stronger than I thought. Once faced with the life or death situation I found my feelings were much stronger than I ever knew. All I knew that Lisbon was the most precious thing which must not come to harm so I pulled her down and covered her.

Finally, the door opened then the doctor came in and came directly over to me. Since I was the only person here I was not surprised. I sat up on the bed then winced a little. The slightest movement hurt, but I didn't want say it. I didn't want him to decide to keep me longer. The pain in my face did not escape his notice.

- "I'm fine… I can get out of here" I said.

- "Mr. Jane you have a bullet lodged in your abdomen. We need to operate. It needs to be removed. You have to sign the consent forms." The doctor said.

- "Look I told you I don't want you to operate! Get me my release forms so I can get out of here and get some competent Medical Treatment." I said raising my voice hoping that would get through.

I saw red then I pointed out the bullet to them.

- "It barely has penetrated the skin. See there it is! Get your forceps and take it out!" I said lifting my bloody shirt "if you are so worried."

- "It is not that simple there could be complications." The doctor said.

- "Look I appreciate your position with insurance claims and such. But it is barely a graze. True the bullet is lodged between skin layers but I guess my fat prevented it from going any further. Look if you want it out hand me a scalpel. I'll dig it out myself!" I said.

- "I will do not such thing…Mr. Jane I must protest!" The doctor said.

I ignored him then grabbed a scalpel then sliced my skin. There was a little blood but then out popped the bullet in pretty good condition too. I noticed Cho and Lisbon had entered the room.

- "Cho there is your evidence I suggest you bag it and someone get me a suture kit!" I hollered.

Cho quickly bagged the evidence and placed it in his pocket. The Doctors gave me the kit as I did a good job closing the incision. I spread some antibiotic cream on the stitches then covered it with gauze.

- "Now you can not say anything to your insurance company. I did it myself!" I said.

The doctor was flabbergasted. Finally, he left me with my release forms and left the room muttering that I was insane.

- "Finally, Lisbon let's get out of here these Quacks will try to kill me!" I said placing my coat on.

- "Jane…What reason do you have in performing surgery on yourself?" Lisbon asked.

- "What this bullet wound…? In the Troop we often had worst emergencies than this." I said. "Often we were far from any doctor. I had to learn otherwise most of the people in the Carney would not been alive. Besides I knew what they were trying to do.

- "What was that Jane?" I asked.

- "They were trying to scam the system Lisbon. They wanted to bill for a full OR staff. That would cost the insurance company about 100,000. Talk about scam artists at least we in the Carney do it honestly." I said.

I noticed that Lisbon had been crying. I didn't like to see her cry. Looking around I saw Grace and Wayne coming toward us. I knew Rigsby felt guilty for what he said, but I could not blame him. Grace approached Cho.

- "Is that the bullet?" asked Grace looking at the piece of evidence.

- "Yes it is Jane took it out of him by himself." Cho said shaking his head.

- "Was he conscious when you got here?" she asked.

- "Yeah according to the EMT's he awoke during transport." Cho said.

- "So if the bullet wound was so minor why so much blood? Why was he unconscious?" She asked being still a bit worried.

- "According to the doctors the blood was the way the bullet cut across the abdomen it was not a deep cut but a fairly long one. As for the unconsciousness they think it was because of the emotion, stress and fear." Cho said.

- "It is understandable" Rigsby said who was also relieved it was nothing major.

- "He will therefore be able to get out of here soon" said Lisbon as her tears had dried.

I watched them converse. Lisbon still had my blood on her hands.

- "Why not take advantage of the facilities" Grace said pointing at the drying blood on her hands.

Lisbon agreed and darted into the nearby restroom and washed her hands then return.

- "I'm sorry for my behavior at the crime scene." I heard Lisbon apologized.

- "There is nothing to be sorry for boss" Grace reassured her.

Suddenly I noticed a woman come running down the hall holding a baby in her arms. She went directly to Lisbon who had immediately lost her smile. It was Allison.

- "Are you happy for what you did?" cried the woman.

- "Allison" Lisbon said trying to calm her but the other did not give her the opportunity to continue.

- "He gave you time, he waited for you to come. He came back to you," she said "And all for what? Being in the hospital the same day of his return?"

I was still getting dress and I did it even faster. I didn't like the way Allison was talking to Lisbon. It was not her fault and I wanted her to understand that. Then, when I was totally dress and left the room with my discharge papers in hand.

- "Allison… Calm down! Lisbon had nothing to do with this. I am fine!" I ordered stepping out in the hallway.

- "What Pad..d..dy? You're alive?" Allison said.

- "Aye I'm alive and this scratch was nothing more than when Shamus shot old Brog. You remember what that was? Old Brog was cursing up a storm. You were there. Allison it was like that. I'm fine woman now apologize to Lisbon!" I commanded.

-"I'm sorry Lisbon I over reacted but what with the police car coming to pick me up. What was I supposed to expect? Everyone in the camp knew!" Allison said.

-"So what…? We are not staying there anymore! Let them talk!" I said.

- "Were not? Paddy we discussed this…" Allison said.

- "Yes we did and you agreed you would stay here in Sacramento where My Nephew could grow up free of that life." I said. "Or are you reneging on your word?"

Allison thought back she had given me her word. Something in the Carney culture was the worst offense that of breaking your word. I had put her in her place.

- "Aye Paddy you got me I did give you my word." Allison said.

- "Fine…Now will someone take my Sister in Law and Nephew to the CBI?" I asked.

- "I'll do it. Jane" Grace said volunteering.

- "Ok Van Pelt… You and Rigsby take them to the CBI. Jane, Cho and I will follow." Lisbon ordered. "Oh Van Pelt there is a Baby seat in the back of my vehicle you will need it."

- "Right Boss" Grace said walking down the hall leading my family away.

- "I'll get the car running" Cho said walking away

He was giving Lisbon and me time alone.

- "I was so scared…" Lisbon said beginning to cry.

- "It alright Lisbon let it out." I said holding her to my chest then gently rocking her.

I winced a bit from the stitches pulling but with me holding her Lisbon was able to get out all those bad emotions.

- "Can we leave now? I don't like hospitals" she whispered

-"Can I tell you a secret?" I confided.

Lisbon nodded her head.

- "I don't like them either…Cho is waiting for us let's go." I said walking toward me.

We got to the car then we ended up at the CBI. I collected Allison and my Nephew from the team and directed Cho to the location of their new home. I got out and told her.

-"Allison this is for you... I'm not going to be back tonight so don't wait up." I said after changing my clothes.

I could not continue wearing those items filled with my blood and Lisbon's tears.

Allison could not believe the place I had but I left her looking around. There was someone else I needed to see.

**- oooo -**

Cho was still driving when he stopped in front Lisbon's apartment. I thank him then exited the vehicle. We headed toward the door and went inside. Getting inside away from prying eyes Lisbon broke down and clutched my shirt then cried. I rocked her gently as I encircled her tiny body then pulled her close. We stood there me immobile and her holding on to me as if her life depended on it. Cautiously I lead us back to the couch where we could sit still entwined.

Once on the couch Lisbon sank more against me by sitting on my lap. I tighten my arms around her protectively. I let her cry as much as she wanted. It was good for her. She needed it. I wanted to cry too but I kept my tears in check. I had to be strong for her. Since, I was the reason for her sadness and tears. I did not know really why I left. Yes I did know. Allison was that reason. I could not leave her. There was a mole in the CBI or the police. That is why her husband had always returned to inflict more damage on her. Even though I thought I had dealt with the problem. He always returned. I knew I had to walk away. I was so sorry I had inflicted on her so much pain. She had always been there for me. She always looked after me and I had hurt her.

Gradually, her tears dried up then she shifted a bit. She raised her bright eyes to me and smiled tenderly. I smiled back and leaned toward her to kiss her forehead. One of her hands came up to rest on my cheek which sent a series of chills through my body. Pictures of our night together came to mind and I wanted to kiss her again. It was not the time for those kinds of thoughts. She needed me and not my body at least not yet.

- "I was so afraid Patrick" she whispered.

- "I too was afraid for you," I replied. "I thought he was going to kill you and that I would lose you again."

- "And I thought you were gonna die. Why'd you do it Patrick? Why did you risk your life like that?" She asked.

- "I did it for you." I simply said.

She looked me straight in the eyes trying to see if I was lying or not. She had to see the sincerity in me as she leaned over to me and put her lips on mine. I let myself be overwhelmed by a flood of feelings and sensations. Finally, I was living again. Teresa was everything I needed. I placed a hand in her hair to bring her closer to me. I felt a part of my body come to life and I felt uncomfortable. She smiled against my lips.

- "Not tonight Patrick," she whispered while disengaging. "But soon…"

- "I'm sorry Teresa, if I knew what you were going to live ..." I apologized.

But she cut me off with a finger on my lips.

- "Now I understand Patrick. It does not mean I don't blame you anymore. You hurt me leaving like that. It was not you leaving that hurt me the most. It was your silence. You should had at least could have given me a word." She said.

She took a break and waited. She still had things to say and I was not going to interrupt her now. She needed to remove all those feelings she was keeping trapped deep inside her. I needed to know everything.

- "I thought ... I thought you had used me…That you had what you wanted and then you were gone. I thought you just needed a little physical comfort." She said.

- "Teresa ..." I began to say then she stopped me.

- "When I saw you, I wanted to come to you then take you in my arms. I also felt all this confusion." She said looking down.

Her body was trembling. She fought against the tears that threatened to spill again. She wanted to stay strong and I admired her for that.

- "I came to see you later. I wanted to talk to you and I saw you with Allison and her son. I thought you had replaced me that you had found a woman who could give you what I could not a family." She admitted.

I had a lump in my throat. I could not talk as I wanted to cry. She had suffered in silence and it was all my fault. I still wondered why she agreed to let me into her life.

- "Allison came to see me. She explained everything to me and now I understand. I love you too much to blame you all my life for your past mistakes. Don't you ever dare decide to leave me again. This time it would be the end of us." She said.

Instead of answering her with words I plunged to her lips then kissed her with passion and love. It was really great and outstanding. She forgave me when I had to be the one who had given her the most pain. I didn't know what I had done in my life to deserve a woman like her. She pulled away from me. She stood and took my hand then helped me to my feet. She led me up the stairs to her room.

Teresa made me move to the bed. She pulled my jacket, gently, and then attacked the buttons on my shirt. She undid them, taking all her time. The clothes were left on the ground and I didn't do anything to stop her. Her fingers then attacked my belt and the fly of my pants. She took care of me before to take care of her own clothes. I did nothing, I watched being fascinated. She undressed then stood before me in her underwear. My greedy eyes alit over every curve. I wanted to take her in my arms then make love to her for the rest of the night. I respected her choice. She had said not tonight and I would not do anything.

She offered me a hand and I took it then we settled into bed. She came to tighten against me then resting her head on my chest. She put a hand over my heart which was beating strangely fast. I wrapped an arm around her waist then tighten her against my body. I felt good to have her next to me again. It was something I never thought would be possible but yet here I was. I felt alive again. Teresa was in my arms. I never wanted to let her go.

I felt her fingers trace the outline of the long bandage I had on my belly and I shivered. She looked up at me.

- "Does it hurt?" She asked.

- "A little" I said as I would not lie to her not even on that.

She smiled and then leaned over me then asked for a kiss. She was so kind that I felt a variety of emotions overwhelm me. She slid her lips on my stomach, my chest, my neck and over my lips. She moved against me. I made a grimace then a groan when she pressed on my injury. I didn't want her to leave even if it caused me a bit of discomfort. I wanted to keep her for the rest of my life. I thought everything was fine. We would fall asleep like that then she spoke again.

- "And for Allison…?" She asked.

- "What about her she has a fine new house…?" I replied.

I knew exactly what she wanted to know. But I wanted her to give voice to her fears. Only then could I remove them completely.

- "You had lived with her. You helped to raise her son. Please don't tell me you have no feelings for her. I know she does not like me very much. She will not let you go like that..." She said.

- "I know that is true I did help her. She is my Sister nothing else. It's you that inhabits my heart! It's only you who I love. I know it will not be easy. She will eventually understand." I said then added. "She is not jealous of you Teresa…She is just needy…She will be fine after adjusting of not being on the road. I think that will be her hardest challenge. The road and our ways is all she knows."

- "She's mad at me." She stated.

- "Yes she is because she thought you were careless. I got injured. That affected her. We are family and family stick together. I have never done anything to make her believe that it was anything more than a family concern. She knew from the beginning that it was you that I loved and I would come back to you one day." I said. "I was just her protector. That husband of hers terrorized her…I could not let that happen again. She understood that."

- "That does not stop the feelings. You know. When I met you I knew that you loved and will love your wife forever. I knew it could never be anything between us. That did... not stop me from falling in love with you." She sweetly said.

I understood what she was doing. She wanted to make sure someone else would not suffer for her to be happy. I knew she would be willing to let me go if it meant prevent someone else to be unhappy. I did not love Allison as I loved her.

- "Teresa, the person Allison loves is the memory of who I was before when we were still children. I want her to find a good man. It would have to be a man who will love her and her son then treat her right." I said.

- "But it will not be easy." Teresa stated.

- "No it will not I know I'll always be there for her if she needs me. I can not turn my back on my Sister after what she did for me. She will need help to adjust. I was hoping you and her would be friends eventually. She wants to change her life and I will help her." I said.

- "I will help too." Teresa added.

I could not help but smile. Teresa was serious I saw it in her eyes. She wanted to help the woman who she thought wanted to steal the love of her life. I never loved her more than now. She once again kissed me before getting comfortable in bed then squeezing against me. We still had a lot to say. Now was not the time. She was tired. She needed rest and so did I. I closed my eyes and let myself be carried away by sleep with Teresa comfortably on me. I felt her arms tighten around me and kissed my cheek before falling asleep.

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**TBC ...**

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**A/N2****: next chapter as soon as I can, I promise.**


	9. Chapter 8: Lisbon POV

**A/N****: I am so so sorry not to have update sooner. I have some problems with lately. I still have one chapter left and I will do my best to update sooner this time.**

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**Chapter 8: ****Lisbon POV**

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I had a great night in the arms of Jane. I never thought that one day it would happen to me again. I turned over when the shaft of sunlight lit on my still closed eyes. I reached out to the other side of the bed. It was cold and empty. I immediately opened my eyes to see that Jane was missing. I felt a stab to my heart. He had done it to me again. He had again left. I congratulate myself for not having sex with him this time. I felt bad and very hurt. He promised me he would stay and not to abandon me.

I was still wondering why I trusted him. I wanted to believe him. I wanted it to be true. I so needed him in my life that I was ready to believe anything he would say. But now I realized that I was wrong. I imposed myself all this suffering and I had to face this alone. I had always been alone in my life, I was used to it. I just had to forget him again.

Choking back the tears that threatened to fall, I got up and headed to the door. But I didn't want to go to the CBI. I didn't want to have to explain to my Co-workers why Jane was not with me. I didn't want them to hate him, even if he had hurt me again. So I went to the coffee shop.

I was there for half an hour before I heard someone calling me. I recognized him immediately but didn't dare to turn around. I still blamed him to have left. So I didn't move. I heard him walking toward me and still didn't turn around. As I was ignoring him, I felt his hand on my shoulder.

- "Teresa," he began.

- "Leave me alone," I said sharply.

- "Teresa what's wrong? Why did you leave the apartment?" he asked.

That was too much and I turned toward him while throwing him a dark glare.

- "How dare you asking me why I left? You left me this morning." I spat at him.

- "What…?" He looked at me with hurt in his eyes. "I didn't leave you… I went to the shop to buy you breakfast."

- "What….?" I began to feel bad to have reacted so fast this morning.

I felt the first tears running down my cheeks then I lower my eyes.

- "I… I thought you had left me again," I whispered. "When I woke up this morning and saw that I was alone in bed, I thought you had left again. I'm sorry, I am so sorry."

I dared not look at him, I was afraid of his reaction. I was afraid that I blamed me for the little confidence I had in him. But against all odds, I felt his arms came around my waist, his body stick to mine and his lips landed on my forehead. I closed my eyes savoring the contact. I returned his embrace with all the love I had for him. We stayed a few minutes like that and I moved from him to look him in the eyes.

- "You don't blame me?" I asked shyly.

- "Why, I totally understand your reaction, even if I was hurt not to find you in the room when I came back home." He stated.

- "Now you know what I felt when you left…" I said vindicated.

I knew I shouldn't have said it but I needed to make him understand what I had experienced a year earlier. I saw his eyes change and become dark and very sad. So I put a hand on his cheek to get his attention.

- "I promise you this was not revenge" I reassured him.

- "I'm sorry Teresa," he whispered.

I looked into his eyes. I could see how he regretted what he had done. I stood on tiptoe and kissed him on his lips. When I looked at him again I could see a small smile on his face.

- "Allison called me this morning," he said after a moment.

- "Is there something wrong?" I asked, worried.

- "No, she just wanted to tell me that she preferred to find her own place and not the one I gave her. She said she wanted to start a new life by herself with Joshua." He sadly said.

- "I can't blame her," I said. "And I will help her."

- "You would do that to her?" He seemed surprised.

- "Yes… She took care of you for the last year and now she is the one you need help. I know I can help her and I will." I said.

He looked at me with love in his eyes. I smiled at him, and took his hand in mine. I knew that Allison didn't like me so much and I knew it would pass. She needed time to adjust in her new life. It would not be easy. I knew that with time we could become friends.

- "Let's go home," I said as we went back to my place.

**- oooo -**

I was on the couch with a cup of tea in hand. Yes, tea. When we arrived home, Patrick went directly into the kitchen to prepare my breakfast. We ate on the couch in silence. Our smiles spoke for us.

Patrick returned to take the empty cup that I had in my hands then helped me get up. I followed him without a word. I trusted him. He led us up the stairs then entered the room. I knew what he wanted and I wanted it too. I still remember that night we had shared a year ago, I had never been able to forget it. How could I when I had wanted it for years. I loved him for so long. I had always kept it to myself. I had not thought that one day this wish would come true.

I looked at him and I could see the desire in his eyes. I was slowly getting closer, placing a hand on his chest and the other behind his head. I kissed him tenderly while sticking my body to his. I let him know that I was as eager as him to go further. And as the night before, we undressed each other before we went to the bed. He settled on me by kissing my neck while leaving his hands roam down my body. I closed my eyes and let my head fall back.

Patrick's lips found my chest where he applied himself by kissing me tenderly and very lovingly. I put my hands in his hair then pinned his face against me. I felt warmth spreading through my body. I lifted one leg against his hip and let our intimates come closer. He groaned against me and I smiled. But no longer able to stand still, I had us rolling on the bed and I found myself on him. I looked into his eyes before plunging to his lips. I moved my pelvis making him understand what I wanted. He smiled and pulled up his lower body coming into me gently.

We were fine. We were together. Patrick moved slowly allowing me sense all these feelings that I had experienced a year earlier. I opened my eyes to look at his face to see those beautiful blue eyes that I had missed so much. He stared at me with his hands still on my hips helping me to move on him. I felt the heat as I exploded. I let out a cry of pleasure then Patrick followed me soon after. Then I collapsed on him, all sweaty and extremely happy. I kissed him tenderly before rolling to the side making him remove from me. I heard him give a growl of discontent.

We stood there for a moment without a word. Our breaths were laborious but we were happy. I would lie on his stomach and put my head on his sweaty chest for the rest of my life if I could. I let my fingers draw invisible circles on his body, making him shiver. After a moment, I raised my head towards him. He had his eyes closed, but a huge smile was plastered on his face. I sat up on him, kissing him on the lips.

- "I love you," I blew out, and he opened his eyes.

- "Me too Teresa" he replied kissing me.

We fell asleep in the arms of one another happier than ever.

**- oooo -**

When I opened my eyes a few hours later my head was still on his chest. By his breathing I knew he was not asleep. I gazed up at him. He stared at me intently and I felt myself blush. I felt happier than I ever was in the arms of the man I loved. I kissed him again before getting up. I heard him call me. I didn't turn then continued walking to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and slipped under the hot water. I closed my eyes and I felt hands around my waist.

Patrick kissed my neck filling me with desire. I wanted it as much as him. We could not do it the rest of the day. I loved being in his arms, I loved the feeling in me. But I didn't want to spend the day in bed or in the shower. We still had things to do. So I moved away then began to wash. Patrick groaned then did the same. We dressed while throwing glances at each others like two teenagers. I felt younger and I loved it.

Once dressed, I went down the stairs to the living room. I picked up my laptop and sat on the couch. I was determined to help Allison. I intended to enjoy my day off for it. I began by looking for an apartment. I knew she had no job yet. I already knew where she could find one. It was easy for me to find a home not too far. I came across one which was not too expensive. I wrote down the address. I would not make the decision for her. She would have to come with me to visit.

I heard Patrick came down the stairs then sat next to me. He leaned over to kiss my cheek. He looked at my computer screen before raising a questioning look at me.

- "I said I'll help Allison find a home and a job," I explained. "I've found an apartment that would be good for her. She would have to come and visit it with me."

- "You are really great Teresa," he replied.

- "She needs help and I know I can help. I thought that if I'll take some proof of my salary it can help and it would be easier. She will also need a crib for Joshua and... "But Jane stopped me.

- "But she doesn't have a job." He stated.

- "It is settled. She has a job interview Monday at ten o'clock." I said.

I put my computer on the coffee table and turned completely to him. He was still surprised and I could understand. I was still a bit mad at Allison for her words at the hospital, but I could understand her. She was very attached to Patrick. She knew him since they were children. She just wanted him to be happy and me too. I knew Patrick was also attached to her and he would do everything possible to help her. This woman needed us for that and I was going to help her.

- "Go to her then tell her to meet me at this address" I said, handing him a piece of paper on which I had written the address of the apartment. "I'll call the agency."

- "Thank you… Teresa..." He said kissing her tenderly on the cheek.

- "You're welcome. Come on, hurry up, I'm sure she's dying to see you." I said.

- "What did I do to have a woman like you in my life." He said smiling.

- "I also asked myself the same question and I thank God to have you in my life." I stated.

We kissed once more then Patrick got up and left. I immediately called the agency then took the appointment and went out.

**- oooo -**

I saw Jane arrive by taxi, Allison and Joshua with him. They left the car and came towards me. I noticed that Allison was uncomfortable and I smiled reassuringly. She stopped in front of me with her head down.

- "Hello Allison" I greeted the young woman.

- "Hello Agent Lisbon" she replied still not looking up at me.

- "Please…Call me Teresa." I stated.

- "Ok…Teresa then" she said.

Patrick came up to me and placed his arms around my waist. This time it was me who felt uncomfortable but Allison's smile reassured me. A man approached us with folder in hand.

- "Ms. Lisbon…? I'm Nathan Randolph. We can go inside if you don't mind." He said with a welcoming smile.

- "Yes, let's go." I said shepherding both Patrick and Allison ahead of me.

We followed Mr. Randolph in the apartment. He began the show. The room was spacious, bright and overlooked by a small kitchen counter. The apartment was furnished, which was perfect. There was a corridor that we followed. There were four doors, bathroom, toilet and two bedrooms. Mr. Randolph opened the first room and let Allison go in. A large bed sat in the center of the room, and two bedside tables. Opposite the bed, there was a dresser and a side wall cabinet. Next door, it was another bathroom. There was also a small balcony overlooking the courtyard.

Allison walked around the room, her eyes lighting up a little more with each step she took. She looked absolutely everywhere under the happy eyes of Patrick. I stayed a little behind. I was happy for her. Then we went into the second room, a little smaller. The room was empty, but soon it would be full. The room had also a cupboard which would facilitate the storage and make room for the baby stuff.

We went out into the hallway. Allison seemed to like the apartment. Mr. Randolph asked for references, which she had not. But when I proposed myself as a guarantor and he saw the documents I handed him; my job situation for starter, it seemed to satisfy him. I signed the papers, Allison did the same and he gave her the keys before leaving.

Allison turned to me, a big smile on her face. She had a few tears in her eyes and she gave Joshua to Patrick before taking me in her arms. I held her against me, happy for her. When I let go she took her son in her arms and kissed his forehead.

- "Anyone hungry?" suggested Patrick.

- "Patrick…That is good idea" I agreed.

- "But wait" cut Allison, "I still don't have a job, how am I going to pay the rent?"

- "I got you a job interview at the CBI maintenance service for Monday morning and in the afternoon you have another appointment for a nursery in which I'm sure Joshua will like" I reassured her.

- "How may I ever thank you Teresa?" Allison asked.

- "Just be happy so you can make this happy little guy happy. You have taken care of Patrick for a year and I know that you are very attached to him. I wanted to make sure that you would always be in his life." I said.

My words brought her new tears. She hugged me again in her arms. We went to eat. This is a new life which I offered to her. I was happy that everything was finally arranged. Patrick was back in my life, now and for ever. Allison would always be there for him and I would be there for her. In all, we were a family and I knew we could always count on each other.

* * *

**TBC…**


End file.
